Needing to vent..

So Chechu and I are finishing out our last few days here in the States before heading back to Spain on Friday. Much like last year my expectation was to be able to go on and on about how wonderful of a time I've had during the holidays- how much I've seen and how much I've enjoyed being home with family and friends. After being away for a year I suppose it gets easier and easier to romanticize the idea of coming back home. This, in my case however, has only lead to the reality of being disappointed.

Granted, I'm thrilled that I got the chance to see my sister and meet her new husband. Both of us ended up getting sick over Christmas break, so that inevitably limited our plans. But in the midst of it all it was good to reconnect with her- I just wish that we would have had more time to hang out..

As we're preparing to head back home my biggest concern at this point is employment issues, particularly for Chechu. True to form, more issues with his teaching contract have come up and despite having advised his superiors of some mistakes that he caught in his contract nearly a month ago, nothing has been done about it. This has resulted in no paycheck this month which is obviously extremely worrysome. I just hate how everything is such a struggle.

Today has been difficult in terms of finding the motivation to do just about anything. It was nearly impossible for me to get out of bed this morning and I struggled all the way up through lunchtime to stay on task and get things accomplished. Just one of those days, I guess..

I had class this afternoon at the academy that went well. Today was my last day until after Christmas break in January when I fully take over the classes for the other teacher who'll be leaving. As it stands right now I have about 14 hours per week and all I can do is pray that an additional 25-30 hours come from somewhere. I know that it's all going to work out though and I'm anxious to see how things come together.

I've got the rest of the week to finish house-cleaning and get our packing done for the trip.

Christmas Plan

It's just after midnight here and I thought I'd get a quick post in before heading to bed. The weather here has been freezing as of late (very unusual for this type of climate) and it's been making headlines everywhere. Thankfully we don't live in the northern part of Spain where they've been bombarded with snowstorms over the past couple of days, but nonetheless this weather has me missing the balmy winter months we enjoyed last year..



I haven't posted anything substantial about my weight loss process in a very long time, mainly because it's been stagnant for months now. It's kind of disappointing to say that I find myself at the same place where I was last year- in fact I've gained a good 5-7 pounds since then. Chechu and I have recognized that we've taken a big-time fall off the wagon and that both of us have gained weight in the process. I feel like I've been flailing in my efforts to get things back on track- one day I'll be totally on, and the next day throwing caution to the wind. It's terribly frustrating.



The "dilemma" in our case is that the holidays are here and within a few short days we'll be on our way back to the States to spend Christmas and New Year's with my family. I find it completely unrealistic to commit to a restrictive fruit and vegetable plan in order to lose weight while we're away and I refuse to continue to allow myself to fall into that same rut, thinking that this time around that plan of action will yield positive results. In short, the main goal for both of us is to come back not having gained anymore weight and then continuing with our plan here at home. However, it'd be great to work out at least a few times with my sister, and definitely lay low on the holiday treats. I guess I just have to see the importance of the holidays minus all the food- a difficult challenge at best. I don't know- to some it may sound like I'm accepting mediocrity but at this point I see it as not setting myself up for failure. I'm going home with my husband to enjoy the people, culture, food, etc that I haven't been around in over a year, and I refuse to allow myself to get stressed out about numbers on the scale. Maybe that's the key of it all in the first place..



I do know that upon our return there will be some specific things that will have to change in order to ensure our success in this endeavor:



1). As the primary cook for our family, I realize that the bulk of our healthy eating (or lack thereof) depends on moi. Since I somehow innately always cook for six people instead of two, one of my biggest challenges is decipering portion control and sticking to it. My husband comes from the type of family that teaches you to clean your plate, full or not, and like me, the women in his family enjoy cooking large amounts of food so that everyone can eat to their heart's content. So, in other words, that means at meal time we eat. A lot. Like two or even three times the amount we should be eating. Diet-wise this is one of the biggest things that has to change.



2). We've been allowing red meat back into our diet. In large quantities. And that's not exactly the best option for me to keep my cholesterol under control. So after Christmas, nothing but chicken and fish crossing these lips.



3). The sugary drinks will also be making their exit come January. Aside from milk and the very occasional sip of wine here and there, drinking 64oz of water will become a norm for both of us.



I'm sure that just by putting these three changes in practice we'd automatically start seeing the pounds come off. This will definitely be the backbone of our plan and that coupled with exercise will definitely ensure us success.

Feelings

I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that I'm feeling a little bit on the down side this morning.

I had an "interview" this morning at the unemployment office to register me in their system. I was supposed to bring in all of my diplomas and degrees (only one of which I have here in Spain, and somehow it got rained on last week when water leaked into our guest room/office) along with my resume to go over my qualifications and see what kinds of offers are currently available. Since I'll be officially starting to work at the language academy in January, albeit part-time for now, I didn't really see the point in going to the stupid interview, but Chechu told me that it was necessary for me to go- at the very least so that they would have my information on file.
To make a long story short, it was a total waste of time. The woman who "interviewed" me was barely able to register me at all since none of my diplomas/degrees were granted to me in Spain. Apparently I'll have to go through the Department of State in order for my studies to be validated here and until that happens the only work I'll be qualified for - the offers that come through the unemployment office that is- would be cleaning buildings and/or toilets since my degrees don't account for anything to them. Needless to say, I was pretty irritated walking out of there this morning.

On the way back home I stopped by my old job to pick up some of my belongings that I had accidentally left behind. My ex-coworker called me yesterday to let me know that I still had some of my things there and, honestly, just the thought of crossing that threshold again gave me a stomach ache. However, this morning I surprised myself, sucked it up and went in. It was actually pleasant to see the girls again, contrary to what I had originally thought, but I just stayed long enough to say hello and get my things.

I have the entire day to myself today since Chechu has a luncheon this afternoon and won't be back home until tonight after his Bible study group. Initially I thought of just being a hermit for the day, getting the bulk of my house-cleaning/organizing done and finalizing my lesson plans for next week, but I may surprise myself and venture out after all.

Quick note

This week has gone by incredibly fast- before I know it, next Saturday will be here and Chechu and I will be on our merry way back to the U.S of A. I. CAN'T. WAIT!!

I have had quite a productive day thus far today, and before Bible study tonight I intend to get my lesson plans together for next week, clean my kitchen, wash another load of laundry and straighten my hair. I think I can pull that off in three hours!

Feelin' good!

I'm encouraged!

1). I just got a wonderful email/praise report from my sister about her husband's residency paperwork on its way to being processed. They could have let this issue be the fork in the road that divided their relationship apart, but on the contrary they chose to trust God and His plan for them in light of the circumstances they faced. After all, what is a simple issue of paperwork for Almighty God? Now my brother-in-law is on his way to becoming an American citizen and I'm so exicted about it I can't even sit still!

2). I just got back home from a great afternoon of classes at the academy. My biggest challenge of the day was with the little kids- second graders- who are the most rambunctious group of children I've ever worked with. I don't mind having class with them but I'll be the first to admit that working with unruly kids is not my forte. Rather than being able to enjoy my lesson with them I spent the majority of the class being a referee which I don't like at all. I get along great with the older children though, and the adult classes I just love. Apparently the other teacher who started almost at the same time as me does very well with the young children, so I may be able to exchange my elementary school classes for her adult ones. We'll see. Either way, I feel encouraged about the possibilities that I have at this academy, and even though I'm continuing to look for additional work to complement the hours that I'll have there, I have an inkling that those additional hours will come directly from there.

3). I am loving my December vacation. This was exactly what I had been praying for! Knowing that I'll never have to go back to my old job just automatically lifts my spirits. I've literally erased the entire experience from memory!

4). I am leaving for the States in less than two weeks!!! Now that I have some more down time on my hands, I'm taking advantage of it all to get this house in order and do some pre-spring cleaning, since I know that once January gets here I won't have time for it all, with all the work I'll have.

5). Weight loss is, well, stagnant. In all honesty I've gained back some of the stress weight I had lost thanks to my job plus a few additional pounds which, according to the scale on Sunday, have brought me up to a record-breaking 227. Knowing that the holidays are coming up and the fact that I'll be home to enjoy them with my family makes me a tad bit nervous about how I will behave food-wise. I won't deprive myself but the key is not to overindulge. During these next couple weeks before our trip as I get my house in order I also need to get myself back on track with proper diet and exercise. I will do it!

It's funny how some moments I feel totally motivated to blog about my day, my feelings, etc. and then moments later, overwhelmed with everything that I want to say, I completely lose all interest. Tonight is no different but in spite of that I'm fighting the urge to click on the red X and just put off writing for another day.

I had three classes this afternoon at the English academy and, for the most part, they went well. The kids managed to stay pretty well behaved and the teenagers were generally good too although obnoxious at times. Being with them totally reminded me of how my high school Spanish classes used to be. I would have attended the adult conversation class from 7-8 but since most of the students didn't come Christine asked if I could come on Thursday night at that time to sit in on the class which won't be a problem.

Tomorrow I plan to apply for another job in Roquetas, close to where the academy is located, and I'm just praying that if it's for me then I'll have it. I know that I made the right decision in leaving my former job- I've got no doubt in my mind about it. But it's this semi in-limbo stage that's starting to make me feel a little bit antsy.

I know it's going to work out...