Needing to vent..

So Chechu and I are finishing out our last few days here in the States before heading back to Spain on Friday. Much like last year my expectation was to be able to go on and on about how wonderful of a time I've had during the holidays- how much I've seen and how much I've enjoyed being home with family and friends. After being away for a year I suppose it gets easier and easier to romanticize the idea of coming back home. This, in my case however, has only lead to the reality of being disappointed.

Granted, I'm thrilled that I got the chance to see my sister and meet her new husband. Both of us ended up getting sick over Christmas break, so that inevitably limited our plans. But in the midst of it all it was good to reconnect with her- I just wish that we would have had more time to hang out..

As we're preparing to head back home my biggest concern at this point is employment issues, particularly for Chechu. True to form, more issues with his teaching contract have come up and despite having advised his superiors of some mistakes that he caught in his contract nearly a month ago, nothing has been done about it. This has resulted in no paycheck this month which is obviously extremely worrysome. I just hate how everything is such a struggle.

Today has been difficult in terms of finding the motivation to do just about anything. It was nearly impossible for me to get out of bed this morning and I struggled all the way up through lunchtime to stay on task and get things accomplished. Just one of those days, I guess..

I had class this afternoon at the academy that went well. Today was my last day until after Christmas break in January when I fully take over the classes for the other teacher who'll be leaving. As it stands right now I have about 14 hours per week and all I can do is pray that an additional 25-30 hours come from somewhere. I know that it's all going to work out though and I'm anxious to see how things come together.

I've got the rest of the week to finish house-cleaning and get our packing done for the trip.

Christmas Plan

It's just after midnight here and I thought I'd get a quick post in before heading to bed. The weather here has been freezing as of late (very unusual for this type of climate) and it's been making headlines everywhere. Thankfully we don't live in the northern part of Spain where they've been bombarded with snowstorms over the past couple of days, but nonetheless this weather has me missing the balmy winter months we enjoyed last year..



I haven't posted anything substantial about my weight loss process in a very long time, mainly because it's been stagnant for months now. It's kind of disappointing to say that I find myself at the same place where I was last year- in fact I've gained a good 5-7 pounds since then. Chechu and I have recognized that we've taken a big-time fall off the wagon and that both of us have gained weight in the process. I feel like I've been flailing in my efforts to get things back on track- one day I'll be totally on, and the next day throwing caution to the wind. It's terribly frustrating.



The "dilemma" in our case is that the holidays are here and within a few short days we'll be on our way back to the States to spend Christmas and New Year's with my family. I find it completely unrealistic to commit to a restrictive fruit and vegetable plan in order to lose weight while we're away and I refuse to continue to allow myself to fall into that same rut, thinking that this time around that plan of action will yield positive results. In short, the main goal for both of us is to come back not having gained anymore weight and then continuing with our plan here at home. However, it'd be great to work out at least a few times with my sister, and definitely lay low on the holiday treats. I guess I just have to see the importance of the holidays minus all the food- a difficult challenge at best. I don't know- to some it may sound like I'm accepting mediocrity but at this point I see it as not setting myself up for failure. I'm going home with my husband to enjoy the people, culture, food, etc that I haven't been around in over a year, and I refuse to allow myself to get stressed out about numbers on the scale. Maybe that's the key of it all in the first place..



I do know that upon our return there will be some specific things that will have to change in order to ensure our success in this endeavor:



1). As the primary cook for our family, I realize that the bulk of our healthy eating (or lack thereof) depends on moi. Since I somehow innately always cook for six people instead of two, one of my biggest challenges is decipering portion control and sticking to it. My husband comes from the type of family that teaches you to clean your plate, full or not, and like me, the women in his family enjoy cooking large amounts of food so that everyone can eat to their heart's content. So, in other words, that means at meal time we eat. A lot. Like two or even three times the amount we should be eating. Diet-wise this is one of the biggest things that has to change.



2). We've been allowing red meat back into our diet. In large quantities. And that's not exactly the best option for me to keep my cholesterol under control. So after Christmas, nothing but chicken and fish crossing these lips.



3). The sugary drinks will also be making their exit come January. Aside from milk and the very occasional sip of wine here and there, drinking 64oz of water will become a norm for both of us.



I'm sure that just by putting these three changes in practice we'd automatically start seeing the pounds come off. This will definitely be the backbone of our plan and that coupled with exercise will definitely ensure us success.

Feelings

I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that I'm feeling a little bit on the down side this morning.

I had an "interview" this morning at the unemployment office to register me in their system. I was supposed to bring in all of my diplomas and degrees (only one of which I have here in Spain, and somehow it got rained on last week when water leaked into our guest room/office) along with my resume to go over my qualifications and see what kinds of offers are currently available. Since I'll be officially starting to work at the language academy in January, albeit part-time for now, I didn't really see the point in going to the stupid interview, but Chechu told me that it was necessary for me to go- at the very least so that they would have my information on file.
To make a long story short, it was a total waste of time. The woman who "interviewed" me was barely able to register me at all since none of my diplomas/degrees were granted to me in Spain. Apparently I'll have to go through the Department of State in order for my studies to be validated here and until that happens the only work I'll be qualified for - the offers that come through the unemployment office that is- would be cleaning buildings and/or toilets since my degrees don't account for anything to them. Needless to say, I was pretty irritated walking out of there this morning.

On the way back home I stopped by my old job to pick up some of my belongings that I had accidentally left behind. My ex-coworker called me yesterday to let me know that I still had some of my things there and, honestly, just the thought of crossing that threshold again gave me a stomach ache. However, this morning I surprised myself, sucked it up and went in. It was actually pleasant to see the girls again, contrary to what I had originally thought, but I just stayed long enough to say hello and get my things.

I have the entire day to myself today since Chechu has a luncheon this afternoon and won't be back home until tonight after his Bible study group. Initially I thought of just being a hermit for the day, getting the bulk of my house-cleaning/organizing done and finalizing my lesson plans for next week, but I may surprise myself and venture out after all.

Quick note

This week has gone by incredibly fast- before I know it, next Saturday will be here and Chechu and I will be on our merry way back to the U.S of A. I. CAN'T. WAIT!!

I have had quite a productive day thus far today, and before Bible study tonight I intend to get my lesson plans together for next week, clean my kitchen, wash another load of laundry and straighten my hair. I think I can pull that off in three hours!

Feelin' good!

I'm encouraged!

1). I just got a wonderful email/praise report from my sister about her husband's residency paperwork on its way to being processed. They could have let this issue be the fork in the road that divided their relationship apart, but on the contrary they chose to trust God and His plan for them in light of the circumstances they faced. After all, what is a simple issue of paperwork for Almighty God? Now my brother-in-law is on his way to becoming an American citizen and I'm so exicted about it I can't even sit still!

2). I just got back home from a great afternoon of classes at the academy. My biggest challenge of the day was with the little kids- second graders- who are the most rambunctious group of children I've ever worked with. I don't mind having class with them but I'll be the first to admit that working with unruly kids is not my forte. Rather than being able to enjoy my lesson with them I spent the majority of the class being a referee which I don't like at all. I get along great with the older children though, and the adult classes I just love. Apparently the other teacher who started almost at the same time as me does very well with the young children, so I may be able to exchange my elementary school classes for her adult ones. We'll see. Either way, I feel encouraged about the possibilities that I have at this academy, and even though I'm continuing to look for additional work to complement the hours that I'll have there, I have an inkling that those additional hours will come directly from there.

3). I am loving my December vacation. This was exactly what I had been praying for! Knowing that I'll never have to go back to my old job just automatically lifts my spirits. I've literally erased the entire experience from memory!

4). I am leaving for the States in less than two weeks!!! Now that I have some more down time on my hands, I'm taking advantage of it all to get this house in order and do some pre-spring cleaning, since I know that once January gets here I won't have time for it all, with all the work I'll have.

5). Weight loss is, well, stagnant. In all honesty I've gained back some of the stress weight I had lost thanks to my job plus a few additional pounds which, according to the scale on Sunday, have brought me up to a record-breaking 227. Knowing that the holidays are coming up and the fact that I'll be home to enjoy them with my family makes me a tad bit nervous about how I will behave food-wise. I won't deprive myself but the key is not to overindulge. During these next couple weeks before our trip as I get my house in order I also need to get myself back on track with proper diet and exercise. I will do it!

It's funny how some moments I feel totally motivated to blog about my day, my feelings, etc. and then moments later, overwhelmed with everything that I want to say, I completely lose all interest. Tonight is no different but in spite of that I'm fighting the urge to click on the red X and just put off writing for another day.

I had three classes this afternoon at the English academy and, for the most part, they went well. The kids managed to stay pretty well behaved and the teenagers were generally good too although obnoxious at times. Being with them totally reminded me of how my high school Spanish classes used to be. I would have attended the adult conversation class from 7-8 but since most of the students didn't come Christine asked if I could come on Thursday night at that time to sit in on the class which won't be a problem.

Tomorrow I plan to apply for another job in Roquetas, close to where the academy is located, and I'm just praying that if it's for me then I'll have it. I know that I made the right decision in leaving my former job- I've got no doubt in my mind about it. But it's this semi in-limbo stage that's starting to make me feel a little bit antsy.

I know it's going to work out...

One step at a time

Slowly but surely I feel like I'm getting myself back on track and that to me is exciting.

I officially quit my job last Friday, and with all the hustle and bustle we had over the weekend with our Thanksgiving party and church activities,

there wasn't much time for the reality to sink in that as of Monday I would no longer be going back to that dinky, cigarette smoke-filled, toxic environment of an office to spend 10 hours of my day. For the first time in I don't know how long, I woke up on Monday morning without an ounce of anxiety or stress.

I have unofficially been hired at the language academy that I mentioned in my previous post in Roquetas (my contract will begin in January after the holidays) and over the course of the next few weeks leading up to Christmas break I'll be transitioning myself in as the new teacher for various classes. It's part-time work during the afternoons between Monday and Thursday, and I'm continuing to look for another job to complete the morning shift. My prayer is that this situation will be completely worked out before we leave for the States and I know that God is able and will do it!

This afternoon I have my first session of classes at the academy from 4-9 or so. I'm looking forward to meeting the students!

It's a new season

This afternoon is proving to drag on in every possible sense of the word. I'm so anxious for 8pm to roll around and it just feels like these next two hours and forty five minutes will never come and go. It's simply amazing how fast the time flies when I'm relaxing at my apartment during my lunch break and how brutally endless the afternoon shift can be- busy or not.

After many hours of prayer and tears shed, my husband and I have made the decision that it's time for me to quit my job. I spoke with my church mentor this past weekend to get a word from her on the whole job issue, and she told me that this was the step of faith that God was calling me to take. Sure, quitting my job has never been the hard part of it all-- it's finding something else in the process that has me feeling a bit nervous.

In spite of that, I put in my two weeks notice on Monday. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon with a language academy here in Roquetas and I'm also waiting to confirm an interview with another language academy here in Aguadulce. I'm waiting for more transcription work to come in, and I might have some e-learning English courses to teach soon. I'm going to continue contacting the few translation agencies around here to see if there's any work available as well... I don't know. I know that God is going to work everything out, and I'm confident that this is the step of faith that I needed to take at this very point in my life.

Chechu and I are leaving for LA on December 20th, and I'm praying that I'll have work lined up before then with something full time to come back to in January when we return. I know that God is going to work it all out.

Joy unspeakable

I stayed home this morning from church. When my alarm went off at 8am I awoke feeling a rush of anxiety knowing that I still had to plan my lesson for my class this afternoon, organize my finances and take two minutes to myself to- what's that?- relax. So I slept in until 10:30, took a long shower and then sat down to plan my lesson, read my Bible and enjoy the still quiet of my apartment on this beautiful Sunday morning.

At this point, I'm continuing to believe God for a change in jobs. I've applied and applied, prayed, cried, pleaded and here I am, continuing to wait and trying not to lose my patience in the process.

Still standing

It's been a long Friday. A long, highly emotional Friday. Work-related? You betcha.

I was THIS close to walking out this afternoon for my lunch break to never turn back. I tried to put on a happy face for my husband when he got back home to eat, only to have my efforts dissolve into a puddle of tears at the kitchen table. We prayed about it all together, and he told me that he'd rather see us work with less money while I find another job than to see me upset about where I am currently. So I went back to work with every intention on giving my two-weeks' notice. I spoke with Andrea about it, and to my surprise for once I felt like she really understood me and at the same time felt concern toward me. She encouraged me to keep going and she said that she would work more with me to lighten the load I've had to carry on my shoulders. And she did. She really came through on her word. On top of all that, after the work week we've had I'd pretty much accepted the fact that I'd have to go in tomorrow to catch up. And God miraculously came through so that none of us would have to go in.

It amazes me how much God can cause your heart to change toward a person. Two months ago the mere sight of Andrea was enough to put me in a bad mood. I constantly felt judged by her. But I don't feel the same way about her anymore. It feels like we're co-workers now who help each other out, working together instead of clashing constantly.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be at my present job. I'm praying for God to open the doors for me to move into a new opportunity. But today's events have encouraged me not to throw the towel in just yet.

Even though yesterday was a weekday, Chechu and I thoroughly enjoyed our first anniversary together. Sure, a week off from work to whisk ourselves away to some remote island to celebrate would have been ideal, but circumstances being such as they are didn't make that possible. Nevertheless we both made the day special by enjoying each other's company during our lunch break and after work when we went out to dinner. We went out to an Italian restaurant in Almería and had a pretty big meal. At 11:00pm to top it off. But it was well worth it.

I feel like my emotions have run the gamut over the past, I don't know, six months or so. Diet wise I've gone back and forth so many times only to find myself in the same place where I started out in February. That definitely doesn't make me proud, but with everything I've been dealing with lately (aka my job) I can't say that I'm dissapointed in myself for maintaining my weight. Being the emotional eater that I am, I'm thankful that the stress I've been under hasn't caused me to revert back to my old ways in looking to food for comfort (and consequently gaining 20-30 pounds). The most important thing, of course, is being able to pick myself up again and get back on track. I've lost my motivation to get up early in the mornings to work out, and I totally need to get that back.

I'm on my way.

Anniversary!

Even though it's after midnight it's still October 20th for me since I haven't gone to bed yet. This time a year ago I married my best friend and soul mate, and I'm so thankful to have him in my life. It's hard to believe a year has gone by already!

Reprieve

For the first time in I don't know how long, I'm having the chance to enjoy watching the sun rise. I have my cup of honey lemon tea beside me, my Bible to do some reading later on and I'm sporting the most comfortable pajamas that I own. I've been sick all week with a pretty nasty virus and rather than forcing myself to go to work like I've been doing, I decided to take this Friday off to stay home and recuperate. I am so glad that I did.

The Lord really came to my rescue about working on Saturdays since the other day I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. This weekend it turns out that I don't have to go in, and I don't think it'll be necessary next weekend either. My boss usually talks a lot before any changes are ever made official, and knowing how reluctant we all are to the idea of working on the weekends I don't think he'll actually make it a rule. Or so I hope..

Tomorrow, depending on how I feel, I may decide to go up to Granada with my husband since he has another rehearsal. I'm going to try to get in touch with one of my professors there to see if I can meet up with her for a little bit. It's been a while since we've seen each other, and I'm sure she'll have some ideas as far as looking for a new job is concerned. I'm so tired of not working in my field..

Diet wise, well, there's not that much to tell since I've been sick all week. I have managed to hold steady at 217 all week, which has been nice to see. The key of course will be getting back in the saddle next week and staying on plan with diet and exercise in order to keep losing. I want to be in the 190s by the time I go home for Christmas in December.

When?

It's 6:15pm.

I have an hour and forty five minutes left to be at my job.

I'm sick and I desperately want to go home and curl up on my couch.

My life would be a million times happier if I didn't have to come back here ever again. But I somehow have been sucked into the wonderful world of working on Saturdays too, starting this weekend. That makes my headache pound just a little bit harder. I swear this job is just about taking over my life. When is this ordeal going to be over?? When will I be able to move onto the job I've been waiting for??

Saturday

Finally here. I had some strange dreams last night that have left me a little befuddled this morning, but other than that I'm feeling good. Chechu just left not too long ago for Granada and he'll be there all day for another rehearsal. Both of us were hoping to have a Saturday off to spend together, but it looks like that won't be possible for at least another couple weeks since there are a lot of church activities going on between now and then on the weekends. It's hard to believe that our first anniversary will be coming up in less than a month!

As of this morning I'm currently weighing in at 220.4 pounds. Granted, this hasn't been the best week in terms of exercise, but I have been very diligent (okay, maybe diligent is too strong of a word here) in watching my calories. I'm still waiting to post a huge loss that has yet to come and I'm a bit frustrated about it to say the least. But all I can do is keep going. The method seems so simple-- exercise between 45 minutes to an hour every day, lay off the bad carbs, salt and sugar and increase intake of vegetables, fruits and lean proteins. So freakin simple. And why it's so. freakin. hard to do sometimes is beyond my comprehension.

My goals for this chilly, damp Saturday:

1). Go visit with Fátima and be back before 2pm!
2). Read my Bible and spend time in prayer from 2-3
3). Exercise 3-4
4). 4:30-5 get ready for church
5). Church service

After church:
1). Clean house and iron
2). Make lunch for Sunday
3). Hang out with my man after he gets back home :)

This week has been a strain to get through. Emotionally I feel pulled in all kinds of directions and, as usual, my job is pretty much at the center of it all. I continue to strugge with finding my peace with being in this work environment, but I suppose I'm getting there. I know I'm not going to be here forever and that God has something bigger and better planned for me. I'm trying not to focus on my "now" and get the big picture instead...

With everything going on this week I haven't had the chance to work out at all. I need to get this back on track by tomorrow. Seriously.

All things considered, I can't exactly complain about having lost just under two pounds this past week although I do wish I had a bigger number to post. My goal is to just keep things steady and consistent so that by this time next week I can log a preferably more significant loss. I admit, however, that seeing the numbers whittle down tenth-of-a-pound by tenth-of-a-pound can get discouraging at times, making me feel like I'm standing at the foot of an 80ft. mountain trying to contemplate how in the world I'll ever get to the top.

Being pressed for time yesterday I totally missed my cardio workout and today, barring 10 minutes of exercise that I was able to squeeze in tonight before cooking for tomorrow, I haven't had any additional time to exercise. Tomorrow, however, is a new day. I plan to get in a good workout tomorrow before work, and if I can squeeze in another one after I get back in the evening that'd be great too.

Today has been just what I needed it to be- quiet, peaceful and productive. I slept in until after 11am, played around on the internet for a little while and by noon I was up and about doing my Turbo Sculpt dvd. After that I spent the rest of the early afternoon cleaning and organizing, washed a couple loads of laundry and cooked for tomorrow. The rest of my agenda today includes talking with my sister, ironing and helping Chechu organize our guest room/office. Oh and more relax time of course. Might get in a nice pedicure or something before the day is over, who knows..

Diet wise things have continued well this week. Last week I fell short 1 day according to my exercise schedule, working out only 4 days instead of the 5 I had planned. Not the end of the world by any means though. I had a pretty stressful Friday yesterday too and I didn't get a workout in then either, which I wasn't at all upset about. In fact I was thrilled that I didn't turn to my usual comfort foods in an attempt to make me "feel" better.

This is my exercise schedule for this coming week:

Sunday: Cardio 45 minutes (before church)
Monday: Cardio 45 minutes (AM)
Tuesday: Strength training 40 minutes (PM)
Wednesday: Cardio 45 minutes (AM)
Thursday: Break
Friday: Cardio 45 minutes (PM)

Is it Friday yet?

Things this week have been going well on all levels pretty much. Plus it's Wednesday and that means just two more days until the weekend. On Saturday I'm taking the whole day to myself to relax and get some things done around the house since my husband will be in Granada all day for another rehearsal.

I feel particularly happy about how I've been sticking to plan this week. In terms of exercise I've focused primarily on doing cardio-- next week I'm going to start adding strength training to my routine and I'm looking forward to it. Tonight's workout will mark my 5th this week- tomorrow I'll take the day off and then start back up on Friday.

Food-wise things have been going well. Barring a couple late-night run-ins with the fridge, I've been doing well. I'm not following any particular diet, but rather focusing on eating low-fat, balanced meals and laying low on the carbs. I feel much better knowing that I'm not tying myself down to a diet routine.

That's all for now..