Still standing

It's been a long Friday. A long, highly emotional Friday. Work-related? You betcha.

I was THIS close to walking out this afternoon for my lunch break to never turn back. I tried to put on a happy face for my husband when he got back home to eat, only to have my efforts dissolve into a puddle of tears at the kitchen table. We prayed about it all together, and he told me that he'd rather see us work with less money while I find another job than to see me upset about where I am currently. So I went back to work with every intention on giving my two-weeks' notice. I spoke with Andrea about it, and to my surprise for once I felt like she really understood me and at the same time felt concern toward me. She encouraged me to keep going and she said that she would work more with me to lighten the load I've had to carry on my shoulders. And she did. She really came through on her word. On top of all that, after the work week we've had I'd pretty much accepted the fact that I'd have to go in tomorrow to catch up. And God miraculously came through so that none of us would have to go in.

It amazes me how much God can cause your heart to change toward a person. Two months ago the mere sight of Andrea was enough to put me in a bad mood. I constantly felt judged by her. But I don't feel the same way about her anymore. It feels like we're co-workers now who help each other out, working together instead of clashing constantly.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be at my present job. I'm praying for God to open the doors for me to move into a new opportunity. But today's events have encouraged me not to throw the towel in just yet.

Even though yesterday was a weekday, Chechu and I thoroughly enjoyed our first anniversary together. Sure, a week off from work to whisk ourselves away to some remote island to celebrate would have been ideal, but circumstances being such as they are didn't make that possible. Nevertheless we both made the day special by enjoying each other's company during our lunch break and after work when we went out to dinner. We went out to an Italian restaurant in Almería and had a pretty big meal. At 11:00pm to top it off. But it was well worth it.

I feel like my emotions have run the gamut over the past, I don't know, six months or so. Diet wise I've gone back and forth so many times only to find myself in the same place where I started out in February. That definitely doesn't make me proud, but with everything I've been dealing with lately (aka my job) I can't say that I'm dissapointed in myself for maintaining my weight. Being the emotional eater that I am, I'm thankful that the stress I've been under hasn't caused me to revert back to my old ways in looking to food for comfort (and consequently gaining 20-30 pounds). The most important thing, of course, is being able to pick myself up again and get back on track. I've lost my motivation to get up early in the mornings to work out, and I totally need to get that back.

I'm on my way.

Anniversary!

Even though it's after midnight it's still October 20th for me since I haven't gone to bed yet. This time a year ago I married my best friend and soul mate, and I'm so thankful to have him in my life. It's hard to believe a year has gone by already!

Reprieve

For the first time in I don't know how long, I'm having the chance to enjoy watching the sun rise. I have my cup of honey lemon tea beside me, my Bible to do some reading later on and I'm sporting the most comfortable pajamas that I own. I've been sick all week with a pretty nasty virus and rather than forcing myself to go to work like I've been doing, I decided to take this Friday off to stay home and recuperate. I am so glad that I did.

The Lord really came to my rescue about working on Saturdays since the other day I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. This weekend it turns out that I don't have to go in, and I don't think it'll be necessary next weekend either. My boss usually talks a lot before any changes are ever made official, and knowing how reluctant we all are to the idea of working on the weekends I don't think he'll actually make it a rule. Or so I hope..

Tomorrow, depending on how I feel, I may decide to go up to Granada with my husband since he has another rehearsal. I'm going to try to get in touch with one of my professors there to see if I can meet up with her for a little bit. It's been a while since we've seen each other, and I'm sure she'll have some ideas as far as looking for a new job is concerned. I'm so tired of not working in my field..

Diet wise, well, there's not that much to tell since I've been sick all week. I have managed to hold steady at 217 all week, which has been nice to see. The key of course will be getting back in the saddle next week and staying on plan with diet and exercise in order to keep losing. I want to be in the 190s by the time I go home for Christmas in December.

When?

It's 6:15pm.

I have an hour and forty five minutes left to be at my job.

I'm sick and I desperately want to go home and curl up on my couch.

My life would be a million times happier if I didn't have to come back here ever again. But I somehow have been sucked into the wonderful world of working on Saturdays too, starting this weekend. That makes my headache pound just a little bit harder. I swear this job is just about taking over my life. When is this ordeal going to be over?? When will I be able to move onto the job I've been waiting for??

Saturday

Finally here. I had some strange dreams last night that have left me a little befuddled this morning, but other than that I'm feeling good. Chechu just left not too long ago for Granada and he'll be there all day for another rehearsal. Both of us were hoping to have a Saturday off to spend together, but it looks like that won't be possible for at least another couple weeks since there are a lot of church activities going on between now and then on the weekends. It's hard to believe that our first anniversary will be coming up in less than a month!

As of this morning I'm currently weighing in at 220.4 pounds. Granted, this hasn't been the best week in terms of exercise, but I have been very diligent (okay, maybe diligent is too strong of a word here) in watching my calories. I'm still waiting to post a huge loss that has yet to come and I'm a bit frustrated about it to say the least. But all I can do is keep going. The method seems so simple-- exercise between 45 minutes to an hour every day, lay off the bad carbs, salt and sugar and increase intake of vegetables, fruits and lean proteins. So freakin simple. And why it's so. freakin. hard to do sometimes is beyond my comprehension.

My goals for this chilly, damp Saturday:

1). Go visit with Fátima and be back before 2pm!
2). Read my Bible and spend time in prayer from 2-3
3). Exercise 3-4
4). 4:30-5 get ready for church
5). Church service

After church:
1). Clean house and iron
2). Make lunch for Sunday
3). Hang out with my man after he gets back home :)

This week has been a strain to get through. Emotionally I feel pulled in all kinds of directions and, as usual, my job is pretty much at the center of it all. I continue to strugge with finding my peace with being in this work environment, but I suppose I'm getting there. I know I'm not going to be here forever and that God has something bigger and better planned for me. I'm trying not to focus on my "now" and get the big picture instead...

With everything going on this week I haven't had the chance to work out at all. I need to get this back on track by tomorrow. Seriously.