Accountability

So yeah, getting back to weight-loss and all...

Diet-wise I've been off track for a good little while and and my now tight-fitting clothes blatantly evidence that. Strangely enough however, I don't feel like a horrible person nor have I fallen into my normal pattern of beating myself up endlessly for making less-than-stellar choices regarding food and exercise. On the contrary, I'm seeing this as just another bend in the journey and I recognize that I'm now ready to pick up where I left off and get back on the straight and narrow.

It really doesn't have to be anymore complicated than that.

After discussing this whole deal with my sister, I finally get that:

• This isn't a race to the finish line.

I'm through with making ridiculous, unattainable goals for myself, only to buckle under the weight of all the pressure, (no pun intended) digging myself even further into a hole I'm trying to get out of.

• My sole purpose in getting this weight of is for my health and wellbeing and not to meet some crazy standard that I've tried to impose on myself.

My friends and family love me for who I am regardless of my weight and my husband swears up and down that I'm the sexiest thang on this Earth. I embrace that and the fact that I don't have to be a perfect size 6 to be worthy of it.

So what's my plan?

1). EXERCISE! I've been off track with this for nearly a month now. Tonight I did about seven minutes or so of Turbo Jam and finished up some housework which, all things considered, is a start. My goal is to gradually (and reasonably) get back into my hour-long workouts and incorporate strength training as well.

2). Journal my food choices.

3). Get over the scale.

4). Get in multiple servings of fruits and vegetables per day, and 64oz water

I'm excited about all that is to come!!

Summer has definitely arrived here in Almería. As of lately, temperatures have soared well into the upper 80s and more and more people have begun to flock to the beaches here along the coast. I’m definitely ready to have some time off to enjoy the summer season myself. After practically a year of working here at this company, I’m ready for a break.

My feelings about my job continue to sink. I’m not as wishy-washy about it as I was this time a month or two ago, wondering whether or not I should stick it out and just accept the bad with the not-so-bad. At this point I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that whenever the opportunity to move onto a better job presents itself I will be out the door- the key word of course in that sentence being when. To say that I’m bored with what I do is a huge understatement. I miss being able to come into work each day knowing what specific functions are mine to perform. Here everything is touch and go, constantly changing from one day to the next. The position for which I was hired this time last year has absolutely nothing to do with my actual job functions, and that feels really disappointing. I want to be using the skills that I’ve studied (and spent a crapload of money on) to perfect. Nevertheless, at this point I’ve got some pretty significant financial responsibilities hanging over my head that I have to meet on a monthly basis, and that of course keeps me from the frivolous job-switching mindset that I had when I was a teenager. Apart from all that, I’m thankful to even have work, considering that there are plenty of families struggling with unemployment and trying to make the same ends meet each month.

Friday update

Finally Friday, thank goodness. The transportation strike is still going on here, so it'll be another day without much to do in the office. The weather is oarticularly gorgeous today- perfect for laying out on the beach and relaxing :)

So I had my appointment with the gynecologist this morning, and it actually went pretty well, all things considered. My MIL went with me, and it was so comforting to have her there. If I had had to go alone I probably would have driven myself insane with how nervous I was--you'd think I'd never been to the gynecologist before. The doctor was an older gentleman- very professional and formal as well. The only thing I didn't like about the visit was the fact that we didn't really have a conversation about how I was feeling- the symptoms I had been experiencing, birth control, etc. Instead it was practically like an interview with short-answer questions. When I tried to expand a little bit on what I had been feeling he essentially cut me off, and I didn't like that. That attitude is very typical of doctors here, and that's one difference in health care that has been difficult for me to accept. I'm used to being able to dialogue with my health care provider, where she took the time to listen to my concerns and explain to me what was going on. Patients don't usually have that type of relationship with doctors here. It's all very cut and dry, with no questions asked. Sigh. In a perfect world we'd have universal healthcare and personable doctors and nurses who treat their patients on an eye-to-eye level instead of being condescending.

The actual exam went fine. The doctor found everything to be normal and said that if the pap results come back abnormal they'll contact me directly. Otherwise I'm to go back in September for a follow-up. I'll have to get another blood test done a couple weeks before the follow-up appointment, and knowing that my cholesterol status will come out on that report definitely gives me more than enough reason to step up my game diet-wise. I really want to see a low number this time around.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend! Tonight Chechu and I will be going out for tapas again with his mom. This is becoming our Friday night tradition, and it's proving to be a lot of fun as well. Tomorrow morning we have some errands to run, and later that afternoon we'll be having my brother in law and his wife over, which should definitely be a lot of fun too. I think we'll finally have the chance to try out the pool at our complex, so I'm looking forward to it. On Sunday we have church in the morning and later that afternoon two of our friends (who recently found out they're having a baby!) have invited us to a barbecue Argentinean-style :)

Can't wait for 8PM to finally get here!

Exercise woes

This has been quite an atypical work week. Since Monday there's been a transportation strike going on, and given that the bulk of our work depends on product distribution we've been twiddling our thumbs over the past few days. Well, so to speak. While the boss isn't in, my two coworkers have been periodically stepping out of the office to run personal errands or do other things. I however have been manning the fort, and taking advantage of this down time to catch up on my transcription work (my other part-time job). I've had quite a productive week thus far and I'm hoping the strike lasts through tomorrow so that I can finish up the week with a decent number of hours.

I really feel like I've come to a standstill with regard to my diet and exercise regime. It seems like the more I try to get passionate about making goals and getting back on plan, the further away from it all I stray. It's not like I've been going out of control as of late- on the contrary I've continued to make pretty decent choices food-wise, barring the occasional ice cream cone of course, but on the whole I feel okay about this aspect of my diet. Exercise, however, is another story all together. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't get up earlier in the mornings to work out, and I'm either too tired or have other obligations in the evening after work to exercise then either. I'm bored with the workout videos that I've been using. All in all, I just don't know how to get back on track with this. I understand that exercise is a key element to weight loss, but in moments like these I feel like I have no idea where to begin. I have to break this mindset if I ever want to see any progress. How can I get the ball rolling again?

Tag!

I tag anyone who wants to play along!

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Unfortunately I am car-less at this point- hopefully that will change within the next year. My sister and I left our Cavalier to our Mom before moving out to CA for graduate school in ‘05. The back seat of my husband’s truck is currently clear J

2. When was the last time you threw up?
A couple months ago. I had a pretty bad migrane that day.

3. What’s your favorite curse word?
I try to stay away from the bad words but what can I say, I’m human and the F-bomb does drop from time to time.

4. Name three people who made you smile today.
My husband
An email from my sister
My co-workers Christina and Maria

5. What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Making coffee

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Working

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Finishing up at Bible Study

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope.

9. What’s the last thing you said aloud?
“Vale” (O.K.)

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Toss up between Strawberry Cheesecake and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Oh and anything with peanut butter.

11. What is the last thing you had to drink?
Water

12. What are you wearing right now?
Brown capris, red blose, brown ballerina shoes.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
A white chocolate/strawberry cheesecake ice cream bar (I know, I know..)

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nope

15. When was the last time you ran?
Phew, it’s been a while.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
Gosh, I am so out of the sporting loop right now. Probably a playoff game last season

17. Who’s the last person you e-mailed?
My sister

18. Even go camping?
Nope.

19. Do you have a tan?
I have a natural tan :)

20. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
Not usually, no.

21. Are you someone’s best friend?
Yes!

22. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working

23. Where is your mom right now?
Working, most likely

24. Look to your left. What do you see?
A blank white wall

25. What color is your watch?
Gold, although I haven’t worn my watch regularly in a while.

26. What comes to mind when you think of Australia?
Koala bears and kangaroos

27. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Probably not.

28. What is your birthstone?
Ruby

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?
I used to drive-thru, but in Spain (at least where I live) they aren’t that common, so we generally walk in. Not that I eat fast food anymore or anything..

30. How many kids do you want?
Maybe three or four.

31. Do you have a dog?
I’d love to have a dog right now

32. Last person you talked to on the phone.
My co-worker

33. Have you met anyone famous?
Shemar Moore

34. Any plans today?
Finish work, Bible study and hopefully exercise

35. Ever go to college?
Yes

36. Where are you right now?
At my desk at work

37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
At this very moment? That’d be the smoke billowing from my boss’s cigar

38. Last song listened to?
Martha Munizzi

39. Are you allergic to anything?
Dust, cats and some weird antibiotics

40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Love the ballerina shoes

41. Are you jealous of anyone?
No

42. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Don’t really have one.

43. What time is it?
7:33 pm

44. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes

45. Do you eat healthy?
I sure try to.

46. What do you usually do during the day?
Work

47. How old will you be on your next birthday?
28

48. Have you ever been to Europe?
I live here! I haven’t travelled to any other country besides Spain though.. Shame, shame, shame :P

49. Name one thing you’d like to do.
Go to visit my sister in LA this summer with my husband

50. Favorite colour?
All things pink

It's June 9th already?

It's been a pretty relaxing Monday morning thus far, which I'm quite thankful for considering the jam-packed weekend we had. In reference to my general state last week, on the whole I feel 100% better on all levels, and that has made for a much happier, more-pleasant-to-be-around Marianna. I'm actually looking forward to my doctor's appointment this coming Friday just to bring some closure to all these issues I've been experiencing lately.

In spite of being busy, I had a really great weekend. I've got a ton of pictures to post!

Diet-wise, things have been slightly off-kilter as of late. Exercise has been non-existant for two weeks, and we haven't been following our diet plan as closely as we used to. However, I am happy to report that I have yet to fall back into my old binge habits. For me, this is a big change. Nevertheless, I need to get back in control here. I need to get back into exercise starting today, and I'm going to start journaling my food intake again.

Tying up loose ends..

In one of my favorite King of Queens episodes, Doug likens the weekend to a blank canvas, reasoning that you can paint it however you want. Even though I already know what I'll be getting into on Saturday and Sunday, the fact that I'm one half hour away from getting out of the office for two whole days to spend my time on my own terms just makes me smile. :)

I feel like a lot of things have come full circle this week:

1). After wracking my brain about the whole birth control issue, I've decided to take myself off the pill for good, in spite of the doctor's advice to continue. Since starting them last September, my mother has constantly expressed concern about the pills adversely affecting my health. Neither she nor my grandmother could use this method because of all the health risks the extra hormones posed to them. A month after starting the pill I had bloodwork done, showing no adverse effects. However, I consistently have had migrane headaches which I've just come to learn are a serious side effect brought on by the pill that can lead to a stroke. I told the doctor about the migranes when we went over my bloodwork last year, and she said that it was "no big deal." So, trusting her, I brushed it off. Granted, I haven't had a migrane headache in a while now, but after these cramping/nausea symptoms started last week, I really began to question my decision to use the pill. This morning, after reading about the migranes/headaches being a serious side effect, I definitively decided against using the pill. When I do go to the gynecologist next week, I'll be certain to discuss with him other natural options that Chechu and I can look into.

Both of us are 100% happy with this decision. I just wish that I would have informed myself more thoroughly when I first started considering birth control options last year.

2). My pregnant/not pregnant question mark has been quelled by the fact that I've just got my period. Granted, it was forced because I stopped taking the pill on Wednesday, but I feel better knowing that a) I don't have to plan for parenthood just yet and b) I can "start over" with a natural approach to family planning.

3). Amidst all the stress, I've managed to stay on the wagon this week. I weighed in this morning at 217.4, which shows no gain or loss from the last time I officially charted my weight. Fine by me. My plan is to get back on my exercise schedule next week and keep the progress going.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Thankfully things have really picked up at work this week, making each day fly by lickety-split. It feels good to have concrete functions to perform on a daily basis. Consequently, now that I don’t have to agonize over how slow the clock moves I’m a much happier worker.

I went to the doctor (GP) this morning about the whole birth control issue and, more importantly, to check out these two-week long stomach cramp/lower back ache/nausea symptoms that I’ve been having. I’ve lost some of my appetite due to the nausea, although it’s not debilitating and I haven’t actually thrown up yet nor have I had the urge to do so. The discomfort in my abdomen is primarily concentrated where my ovaries are, and the dull lower back pain is pretty constant too. These are all of the usual symptoms I get when I’m about to start my period, but I’m not due to start until next Sunday. I took a pregnancy test last weekend just to rule out that possibility and it came out negative.

The doctor advised me to continue using the birth control pills that I’m currently on, since these symptoms and the pills aren’t related. She also felt and poked around my stomach, which didn’t give me any more discomfort than what I already felt. So what was the diagnosis? A routine trip to the gynie, which is exactly what I was expecting. It’s also been over a year since my last visit, so I’m definitely due. The only thing that makes me a little nervous, however, is that the gynecologist is a man. Since Spain has a free healthcare system, I didn’t have a choice in picking who to go to- a downside considering that I’m used to choosing my health care provider. I ended up making the appointment for next Friday just to cover my bases, but I think I’ll speak with some of the women at my church who go to a private gynecologist to find out what they recommend. Either way, I’ll be going in next week to check this out.

In the mean time I’ll try not to fall into my Internet self-diagnosis habit.