Vaya Tela

What a weird day this is turning out to be. For one, I drank coffee this morning and probably shouldn't have because it's made me sick on the stomach. I don't know why I feel so awkward this morning. It's one of those days I guess where I just don't feel myself at all. I'm tired, cranky and just not in the mood to deal with anyone. I feel like screaming, crying and just curling up under my bed all at once.

Avelino has whisked himself off to Greece for the week and won't be back until next Tuesday at the earliest. That means at least another week until I see the remaining 100€ that I'm due, and by that time it'll be close to payday again. I wish that I could say that I love my job and that I feel like I'm utilizing my skills and making a difference, but today I feel like just another immigrant worker, crossing her fingers to hope that the great and powerful jefe will be good enough to live up to his word. It's crazy to be on the other side of the spectrum. Considering the incomes here in Spain, I certainly can't complain about 1200€ a month. But barring a drastic change I don't know that I see myself here that much longer. I feel unstable and insecure. I have half a mind not to even come in this afternoon, considering that the work I have I can easily do from home. After all, Avelino is most concerned with having results and not hours spent here in the office.

I spoke to Marissa yesterday, and she's extremely down and out about the fact that no job has come through. She's frustrated with everything and at everyone, including God and I can't say that I blame her because I'd be pissed too. It's hard to tell someone to remain strong in their faith when all they can see is a dwindling bank account, bills to pay and no calls from employers coming in. It's easy to get discouraged when you can't see beyond your circumstances and I'll admit that for that very reason I feel discouraged too. I feel anxious and stressed.