Sitting on the dock of the bay...

wasting tiiii-iiiii-iiime... Or at least that's what it feels like.

It annoys me to no end that I've been blogging consistently about weight loss throughout practically the entire month of February and I've seen little to no actual results.
Well, I take that back. While the numbers haven't moved down that much on the scale, I have seen improvements in other areas of this process- mainly my newly-found determination to lose weight and my efforts to incorporate proper eating and exercise into my daily routine. This time a month or so ago, weight loss was probably the last thing on my mind. I was seemingly content with the additional "happy weight" that I knew I had put on since the wedding (albeit an underestimation) and still drawn to indulge. I blogged a few times about how summer was approaching and that I needed to get my health in order, but it all felt like empty rhetoric since my heart wasn't really into the whole thing at the time. I suppose I wrote in the hopes of scrounging up some motivation to get started.

Well since then, praise the Lord, I've woken up to my three-fold reality:

1. At my current weight my body is over-exerting itself to keep me going and carry me around. I can no longer blame my lower back pain and sore knees on my not-so-perfect mattress. I snore at night because the extra fat around my neck is obviously impeding me from breathing properly. I am genetically prone to high cholesterol (which I have), diabetes and other heart conditions which, if I'm not careful, can easily become serious health problems. These sound like health issues that would normally be faced by senior citizens. I AM JUST TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD!!! This leads me to the crystal clear truth that I have to make my health and my husband's health a priority. I don't even want to think about all of the problems that could arise if I continue to be careless.
2. I am not the sexy newlywed that I wanted to be. In spite of my husband's rebuttals, the rolls of fat hanging over my thong are just not attractive. Regardless of how much wonder is in my wonder bras, I (literally) can't get around all of the back fat that bulges out from the sides. There is some kind of weird love-handle that is right over my butt that gives it this weird shape. Certainly not the black-girl-butt that I've always wanted and would have in its absence. I won't continue on with my laundry list of flaws because, well, that would just be counter-productive. I've tried the self-abuse motivation tactic many times before, only to run to the nearest convenience store for yet another B&J fix. The truth of it all is that I do want to see myself as attractive. I want to wear all the sexy Victoria's Secret lingerie that I've never been able to buy. I want to go to the beach this summer in a bathing suit that complements my figure. I want to be able to walk out in public with my head held high, knowing that I look good. So that leads me to the third part of my reality
3. I need to learn to accept and love myself for who I am and where I am. God loves me now, and will continue to love me regardless of what I weigh. My body is His temple, and it, therefore, commands my respect. That translates into taking pride in my appearance and my health. So I'm going to go for it- I'm going to start to love me. MARIANNA VIRGINIA MOORE-MARTINEZ: I LOVE YOU! I RESPECT YOU AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. I WILL TAKE PRIDE IN YOU AND HONOR YOU. AS A CHILD OF GOD, YOU DESERVE IT!

What an epiphany. For the first time, ever, I comprehend that God has entrusted my body to me. It's up to me to love it and take care of it. It's time to kick this into high-gear.