counting down the hours...

I feel somewhat better today than what I did yesterday afternoon when I wrote last, although there are several issues that continue to concern me.

Lately I've Riss and I have been in touch solely through email, and with each one she sends she sounds more discouraged and dispondent. While I can totally understand her frustration about not coming across the job of her dreams yet, I honestly don't know what to say to her anymore. I have no idea why things are taking so long to come through or what the purpose is behind her having to stay at home for a longer period of time than what she originally anticipated. I do know that regardless of how things look from our human vantage point, God has and will continue to have control over ever situation. Often times we choose whether or not we'll have peace in our hearts either by leaving our cares and worries in His hands or clenching them tightly in our own, thinking we can do better.

I just wish that someone would be able to get through to her. She only sees just beyond the tip of her nose instead of trying to grasp the whole picture.

Feeling weird today...

...and not exactly sure why either. It's been one of those days I guess. Maybe the sweltering heat is the culprit; then again, maybe it's just me.

So much for not being led by my feelings. It's like I'm being hit with another onslaught of emotions-- all different and all intense at the same time. I seriously could burst into tears right now, but I'm holding it in as hard and as tight as I can. Crying certainly won't solve anything.

I think I woke up today feeling out of sorts. To start with I always "strive" to get up early, to make time for doing little things around the house like taking care of my laundry or cleaning, or organizing the tornado-stirred mess of a room that Chechu and I are technically sharing. But, alas, my finger always manages to find the 5-more-minutes button on my alarm, causing "just five more minutes" to turn into another half hour and in the end I get up late along with the rest of the españoles, con la hora pegada al culo as they so eloquently say.
Needless to say this morning was no different. To make matters worse I've been struggling with a scratchy throat for the past couple of days which I can't seem to shake. I think all of the second-hand smoke that I've been forced to inhale at work is the culprit, and it's really starting to piss me off. On top of that I leave the office smelling like an ashtray every day, which is irritating enough as it is. Smoking is such a dirty, selfish and invasive habit. I swear smokers should be banished to another planet where they can happily burn out their own lungs without endangering on anyone else's.

Both of the girls that I work with are dying to go on vacation, and I can't say that I blame them. But the constant complaining does take its toll on a person. The two of them b & m together about everything pertaining to this job, particularly the fact that they haven't been given vacation time yet, but as soon as Avelino crosses the threshold you can hear a pin drop. Typical boss-employee stuff, I guess. I'm almost positive that once August comes around I'll be the only one here twiddling my thumbs, which is perfectly fine by me.

On Sunday when we were in Granada, Mª Ángeles asked Chechu and me to sing a song for her and Curro at their wedding. Chechu thought of "You Raise Me Up" as a good choice, and today I found the Spanish version, Por Ti Seré, on the internet. We tweaked the lyrics around a little since they were a bit worldly, and Chechu downloaded a couple instrumental tracs for us to practice with. This afternoon while I was at home we went through it a couple of times, and honest to goodness I felt so embarrassed singing with him because he's light years in talent ahead of me. After a couple run throughs, I was so close to throwing in the towel, but knowing that Mª Ángeles asked us both to sing together kept me from doing so. I think my voice is all right and I'm certainly not tone-deaf, but the fact that I have no power behind it makes it sound that much worse compared to Chechu's voice. So all I can do is pray and ask God to bless me and grant me the ability to pull this off.
I remember the prophetic word that Chechu and I got at Christmas last year, that we would sing together in ministry. I think of that and I see myself where I am now and I wonder how that could possibly come to pass. But I don't have to know, all I have to do is believe God and know that if He said it, then He'll do it.

I got a birthday card from Mom today, and I was glad to get it. I do miss home though, and I miss my family terribly.

lunes

Aquí estamos de nuevo. La verdad es que el fin de semana se ha pasado muy rápido, como siempre sucede cuando hay muchas cosas que hacer. Confieso que tengo pocas ganas de trabajar esta mañana, pero quiera o no, tengo responsabilidades que hay que cumplir. Como el pastor ha estado ministrando en estos días, nosotros no nos podemos mover en base a nuestros sentimientos porque de esa manera no conseguimos avanzar en nada. Más bien, tenemos que encargarnos de las responsabilidades que Dios nos da y llevarlas adelante, tengamos ganas o no.

El viernes después del trabajo me fui a la iglesia en Magistral Domínguez para el ensayo. Estuvimos ensayando las dos obras de teatro (Rey de Corazones y Bartimeo) que ibamos a presentar el sábado por la tarde durante los evangelismos. Aparte de ensayar también estuvimos rellenando los tratados y apuntando la hora y el lugar donde nos congregamos los domingos para los cultos, y así invitar a la gente a que viniera.
Terminamos sobre las 23:30, y después de eso Chechu y yo nos fuimos a casa. Ibamos a ver una película pero al final se nos hizo tarde, y como los dos estabamos cansados optamos por cenar e irnos temprano a la cama.

El sábado quedamos temprano por la mañana para ir a la playa. Después de desayunar fuimos un ratito a la de Aguadulce. Estaba llena de gente cuando llegamos, pero pudimos encontrar un rinconcito para sentarnos y tomar el sol. El agua estaba buenísima también. Aún tengo cierto miedo de bañarme en el mar, sobre todo por la amenaza de las medusas, pero creo que poco a poco voy adaptándome.
Después de comer había quedado con Alejandra para alisarle el pelo. Le salió muy bien, y se nota que estaba contenta con su nuevo look. La proxima vez incluso le quedará aun mejor, porque después de ir tanto tiempo sin alisarse, el pelo tiene que acostumbrarse de nuevo.

Todos los que ibamos a participar en los evangelismos nos encontramos en la iglesia a las 18:00 antes de irnos a la plaza donde ibamos a hacer el teatro. Así aprovechamos para orar y presentar todo lo que ibamos a hacer a Dios antes de empezar.
Hicimos la obra de teatro tres veces. Antes de hacer cada una fuimos todos a inivitar a las personas que se encontraban cerca de la plaza para que vinieran a verla. Yo salí la primera vez, haciendo el papel de "la religiosa." Creo que por lo general me fue bien, aunque al principio estaba nerviosa y me temblaban las piernas. Me daba vergüenza eso, pero aun así seguí adelante. La verdad es que estoy contenta con los pasos que Dios me está llevando a dar. Creo que en otro momento no hubiera sido capaz de integrarme así de lleno en las actividades y participar en los evangelismos. No por vergüenza sino por falta de confianza. Ahora veo que cada vez más me voy soltando y de esa manera voy rompiendo los límites que antes me impedían avanzar en ciertas áreas.

Terminamos sobre las 21:00, y después fuimos todos los jóvenes a comer charwarmas. La verdad es que pasamos un rato muy agradable juntos. Después Chechu y yo volvimos a casa para ver Shakespeare In Love, y me gustó bastante.

El domingo tuvimos el culto por la mañana, y después nos fuimos a Granada para el culto de allí.

En fin, esto en breve ha sido todo lo que he hecho este fin de semana.

TGIF

Last hour or so here at the office and I'm ready to get the weekend underway. As usual it's been quiet here all afternoon since everyone has been out running errands. I'll admit that aside from holding down the fort, I've done no more than keep an eye on the email inbox this afternoon, waiting to see if any more offers have come in since yesterday. Since nothing has, I've made myself busy doing transcriptions and sending emails here and there. Can't complain at all about that...
Earlier this week I had a breakthrough moment about this job and I think I'm really going to like working here. Before I kind of had one foot in the office and another out the door because I wasn't sure if this was where I was supposed to be or not. But on the contrary I think this will be a great opportunity to stick with, and since it's a real estate agency, who knows what kind of gifts & surprises God could have in store for Chechu and me. A house that's paid for? A car? Needless to say, I'm open to receive all that God has for me.

I'm irritated that I've kind of been slacking off in terms of the diet. I usually do fine up until dinner time when I'm starving. For as much as I make my mind up to eating fruit in the evenings if I have anything at all, the thought of sitting down to a peach or an apple is enfuriating when all I want is charwarmas and fries. I somehow have to renew my focus and remember that whether or not I get this together, time will continue marching on.

Calmed down

While this past week has been difficult for me, it seems like things are finally starting to calm down a bit. Towards the end of last week I felt really uneasy about a lot of things, mostly little things, that had begun to accumulate into a big, emotionally-charged ordeal. After much coaxing, on Saturday afternoon before church I finally went to speak with Luchi about some of the things that I had been going through, mainly the whole issue about the wedding and whether or not my mom could walk me down the aisle. Initially I didn't feel like our conversation helped that much, but in retrospect I can see a lot of wisdom in what she shared with me. Our experiences have been similar in many ways and I know that if anyone here can understand what it's like to come to a different place and essentially start from scratch, it's her.

One of the things she told me was that God is teaching me to lean on Him and to look only to Him to supply every need that I have. He's brought me to a brand new place where everything is a discovery, and because of that I need to be strong in Him and strong in my faith. Neither Chechu nor anyone else here can give me what God can, and as I continue to integrate myself into this new culture I need to hold fast to His hand.

I'm here at the office during the second half of my day. I'm still getting used to the idea of coming to work in the morning, having a huge 3-hour break for lunch and then coming back to the office for another 3.5 hours. The days here seem so much longer in comparison to the workweek in the States, and I know it's got to be mostly due to the difference in schedules. In spite of that, however, I haven't had a hard time adapting.
I sent Marissa an email today, telling here that I'm not yet in love with this job, but it's definitely comfortable. I suppose that I still feel uneasy about working in an area that I am completely unfamiliar with and that Avelino has pretty much left me to take care of starting this project. On the one hand I'm glad that he's given me the freedom to start investigating and gather information without him guiding me on every step. That shows me that he has confidence in my abilities. I suppose however that by the same token, I fear not meeting his standards. But I know that if God has meant for me to be here, then He will enable me to do this job and do it well.

I recently applied for another job that's based in the States. It's a full-time QA editor position with a Translation agency in Grand Rapids. They had opened the position up to candidates living outside of Michigan who wanted to work from home, and therefore I applied. This afternoon I received an email from them, saying that they had received my application and that they were interviewing local candidates first before opening their consideration to those who would work remotely. I think the job would be a blessing in many ways, and all I can do is pray that if it's for me, I'll have it. Ideally I would enjoy working at home in the mornings and then going to teach during a few hours in the afternoon. I don't know-- God is the one in control, and all I can do is cast a wide net. What's for me is what I'll have. :)

Tonight after work we're going to Mª José's house to watch The Color Purple. It seems like Monday nights have turned into movie nights for the jóvenes, which has been a lot of fun. It's approaching 6:30 already--just about two hours left in the day and then it'll be time to head home. At least the days go by somewhat quickly here!

Pissed as hell

I'm here at the office right now, and it's just after 10am. As thankful as I am for this job, at this point I could care less about the offers for land that may or may not be waiting for me in the company's email inbox. It's only 10 in the morning and I'm already wishing that this day was over.

I feel frustrated this morning about the wedding, and I suppose that with it being three months out and all, it was going to happen at some point. I spoke with Chechu this morning about how I really wanted my mom to walk me down the isle, even though I guess here that practice is not common at all. Chechu and his mom don't seem to understand why that is such an important thing for me, and rather than trying to they insist on chiding me for letting my feelings take precedence over what is correct to do here. The two of us had a bit of an argument this morning, and as typical of all arguments we've had, he twists things around to make everything sound like it's my fault and that I'm being caprichosa. Bullshit. And now, of course, the fact that we're having two weddings, a bridal party here- oh, and the fact that the invitations were fucked up is all due to my caprichos.

I swear I don't even feel like going home this afternoon because I don't feel like seeing anyone or talking about this with anyone, just so that I can be told about myself and my "caprichos" yet again.

Notes from the office..

As hard as it is to believe, I'm actually taking out a few minutes of my afternoon here at work write a new entry. To date, the biggest change of all has been that as of last Thursday (July 5) I've been working at Inmobiliaria Europa, a real estate agency in Aguadulce right around the corner from the church. The process through which I got the job literally took an afternoon-- last Monday I sent my resume to apply for the position, and that same afternoon I got a call from Avelino for me to come in for an interview on Wednesday morning. Chechu accompanied me to the interview where the job was practically handed to me on a platter and the rest is history. We agreed that my monthly salary would be 1200€, which apparently is unheard of for women to earn here-- an unfortunate aspect of life in Spain needless to say. Given that I don't have my residency permit yet, I'm essentially working under the table. Avelino and I have yet to establish a contract (he's currently on vacation until next week)and even when we do, I'll still have to count on his word and integrity to pay me what we agreed on each month. But I know that isn't my worry, and I know that if God brought me here, He will see that I am compensated for my work.

It's exciting to see how things have fallen into place. I'm actually working in my field and I still have the transcriptions to fall back on in terms of income. I do want to investigate freelance translation opportunities, but with my schedule such as it is, I'm not sure when or where I'd have the time to fit it all in. At the beginning of summer Chechu said that he believed in his heart that both of us would have so many job offers coming in that we would literally have to pick and choose which ones to take. Not only do I believe and receive that, but I'm seeing it come to pass before my very eyes.

This month we're finalizing the wedding invitations and buying our wedding rings. We've begun our housing search and have extended our search parameters to include Aguadulce and Huercal. I kind of like the idea of living away from the capital, even though the transportation issues could potentially be a pain. Not overly concerned about it though because I know that God has everything under control.

Weight is slowly but surely coming off, although I recognize that I need to put more effort into my diet and exercise regime. The wedding is three short months away, and the time will fly by. I tried my dress on last month and couldn't zip it even half way. There's much work to be done!