Another week of emotions

I'm starting to get tired of the up and down emotional roller coaster that I've been on for the past week or so. It's ridiculous how one minute I'll be happy and carefree and then, literally, the next minute I'm a ball of nerves. I'm sure that it's all normal, considering that there's a wedding in the wings, but nonetheless I feel emotionally drained. There has been so much change in my life over such a short period of time and I'm still adjusting to it all. As thankful as I am for everything that God has given me on this new journey, it scares me sometimes to think that things really aren't going to be as they once were. There are moments where I feel like I'm alone here, even though I know that I'm not literally by myself. This is the first time that Chechu and I have actually been together for longer than three months and we're still getting to know each other's habits and personalities, a process that is sure to continue for some time.

I just read and email from Marissa where she spoke about God convicting her on her attitude about having a servant's heart. She said that she gave her testimony during yesterday's bible study and that she got embarrassed because she got emotional as she was speaking. Little does she know that what she shared with me has opened my eyes as well about my servant's heart, or lack thereof these days. I admit that I've held some resentment in my heart about being here in Almeria. I've felt like between me and Chechu I've been the one to sacrifice everything- leaving my home, my family, my language behind to come to another place and, with the exception of the language barrier, essentially start from scratch. Chechu on the other hand gets to enjoy living in his hometown, surrounded by his family, friends and church that he's grown up with his entire life.

My attitude has been wrong. Instead of having a servant's heart, I've expected servitude. I know that this all forms part of God's plan for my life, and that I'm here on purpose.

Back to work

It's been a productive Monday morning thus far. I've managed to channel my desire to still be on vacation into finalizing several things that were pending from last week. I'm still waiting on the most urgent information to arrive however, which I pray will appear in my inbox this afternoon when I return from lunch. Avelino is supposed to be back from vacation tomorrow morning, and I really want to be able to hand into him all the new information that he's been waiting for.

In spite of the Feria, last week was very productive as well. We got our marriage license papers together, I am now legally able to be here for another three months and Chechu and I also sat down to organize our budget for September and plan the other tasks that we'll have to have completed this month. For next week I have to schedule an appointment with the gynecologist to talk about birth control and get a check up. Not exactly looking forward to that, but it's definitely something that has to be done. I certainly don't have plans to become anybody's mama anytime soon. :P

I'm anxious to finally have my own space. Chechu and I went last Thursday to see two of Rocío's parents' apartments here in Aguaducle, both of which are a hop, skip and a jump from my office. We both fell in love with the first apartment-- the complex has a high level of security, ample parking and a pool! The apartment in itself is adorable-- well lit, a spacious living room, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms and a terraza. It's painted and everything and brand-spanking new. Rent would be 500€/month plus water and electic. Right now Rocío and her family are on vacation, but once they return this week we'll begin getting things together to start the move. I'm so ready to have my own space with Chechu. For as grateful as I am that his mom has taken me into her home, I'm ready to move out!

A week of errands

This week has been cut short due to the Feria in Almería and our work schedule here at the office has been reduced to three hours during the morning shift. So needless to say, this week has gone by incredibly fast....

Chechu and I finally have our papers in order for our marriage license-- they came in on Monday. I also got my visa squared away, and I'm waiting for the documentation to be prepared so that I can go back to the police station to pick up my passport.

This afternoon I have class with Aida from 5-7, and afterwards Chechu and I are going to meet up with Rocío and her mom to look at one of the apartments that they have for rent. I'm praying that we get the whole housing situation squared away before the start of September. That way we'll have a month or so to begin moving in and getting everything arranged.

Memories

I came across this picture this morning, and I had to post it. Of course it saddens me for obvious reasons, but at the same time, I'm thankful for everything that Marcus brought to his family, in love, loyalty and comradery. His little life truly was a gift.

This weekend has been nonstop. This morning I decided to stay home instead of going to the morning service at the hotel. Yesterday with all of the activities we had I had no time to do any of the pending work I had from this week, so this morning I'm using my time to get that finished up for tomorrow. Luckily I have less of it than what I originally anticipated.
This afternoon we'll be heading up to Granada for church, and then turning around to come back tonight. I'm looking forward to having next Sunday to relax and maybe go to the beach, since Chechu will be asking for that day off.

I'm looking forward to this coming week as well, because with the Feria and all, our office will only be open from 10-1 in the afternoon, leaving the whole rest of the day to relax, go to the beach or do whatever. So that will certainly be the mini vacation that I need.

Yesterday's breakthrough...

So Marissa has finally been offered a job. Praise the Lord! It should also be noted that she was contacted on Thursday-- the same day that I think both of us had come to our wits' end. Talk about God not coming when you want Him, but always being on time...

She'll be working as of September 10 at Gateway, which is a health insurance company located in Pittsburgh. For now she'll be working as a bilingual representative but she will also have opportunities to get into medical translation, which is really exciting too, since that's what she's been looking for. So this is God's provision for now, and the main thing is to stay open to receive everything that He has coming up in the future. Big things are definitely in store for Marissa.

This whole week has been really tiresome, and today has been no exception. This morning I went running around with Esther, which was a lot of fun. We literally spent the whole morning walking around, looking at the different lingerie shops to check out prices for undergarments. I'm at least comforted to know that buying a corsett won't cost me a fortune here, and that I won't have to send for it. I tried several on and they actually fit (or snapped up at least), so I'm hoping that that's a good sign for my wedding dress. I don't intend on trying that on anytime soon though. Marissa is supposed to be sending me my two evening gowns this week for Mª Ángeles and Gema's weddings, both of which are size 16, so I'll more than have a measurement guide to follow. Since I was running late this morning I didn't stop at the pharmacy to weigh myself. If I can't do it tomorrow I may just go ahead and wait until next weekend.

All in all I do feel a lot better about things in general. It seems like everything is falling into place piece by piece.

More lessons in faith

I'm so ready for this season to be over. I'm so tired of hearing the same negative results about Marissa's job search. Nothing has come through for her and this whole process has been going on for nearly three months. I don't understand the point behind all of this and why God is allowing all of this to happen, especially considering that the weddings are just around the corner. I can't help but feel frustrated myself because even though Marissa is directly living through this situation, it affects me too. I hate the fact that rather than being able to fully enjoy this summer she's been totally wrapped up in her job search and wondering when a break was finally going to come. This CAN'T continue. Surely God must know the toll that this is taking on everyone. If He truly knows how much we can bear, then a breakthrough has to come. TODAY. I for one have come to my wits' end with this whole thing.

TGI..T?

So apparently tomorrow is a national holiday and no one will be working. Nothing like a mini Friday during the middle of the week! Chechu and I will be going to Fátima's tomorrow around noon to talk about decorations for the wedding, etc since she's going to be taking care of that. Afterwards, if there's time, it will be nice to go to the beach and hang out for a while before the gavilla. Compared to last summer I've hardly been to the beach at all this time around, but I'm certainly not complaining. At last glance the beach didn't look like it was going anywhere. :P

This evening after work I think Chechu and I are going to Eroski to look at some more things for the apartment. After talking with Abraham last night I think we'll more than likely be taking over his place, which will be great.

Another hectic weekend

As usual, this weekend allowed for very little down time. While I'm starting to get used to the constant movement here, every now and then it does take its toll. I'm convinced that all Spaniards suffer from sleep deprivation, and I think I'm starting to notice the same effects in my body as well. Nonetheless, I'm sure that all of this ripping and running will become easier and easier over time.



On Saturday after the fateful weigh-in, I ended up staying at the house throughout the rest of the morning, cleaning, washing my hair and preparing lunch. I talked with Mom and Riss on the phone to wish Mom a happy birthday, and I tried to convince the two of them to get out and enjoy the day together. Hopefully it sunk in. All I can do is continue to pray for Marissa-- I know how disappointed she is that the transition from school to work hasn't been what she expected. But I know that her job is waiting for her, and that God, who is forever faithful, will provide. Although it's starting to sound like a cliché, this is time for her to grow in her faith and in her relationship with God. If she knows Him as well she claims to, then she should know beyond circumstance that He is faithful to complete every promise. She can't continue to let her circumstances determine whether or not she trusts God, because what kind of relationship is that after all? "I'll praise you, but only in the good times when everything is going well." My Bible says "I will bless the Lord at ALL times." And that is a decision that she will have to make, whether she feels like it or not. It's a decision that we all have to make. Yesterday's sermon touched on that in a lot of ways, and I intend to send it to Marissa so that she can hear it all first hand. Instead of laying in the bed or lying around the house bemoaning her "fate," she needs to be active, getting in the Word, getting out of the house and BELIEVING God for all that is to come.



Charo preached for the first time on Saturday evening. She spent the whole day in her room fasting and praying until it was time to go to the church. She did extremely well, and incidentally she spoke about God's faithfulness. Interestingly enough, as she was speaking I was reminded of a dream that I had a long time ago, before Chechu and I got together, where I was preparing to speak before a congregation and he was helping me to go over what I was going to say. I know that God is calling all of us to the forefront, and I'm excited about everything that is to come.



On Sunday in Granada, Mª Ángeles and Curro were giving out their wedding invitations. It's hard to believe that their wedding is coming up so soon-- September 8 will be here before they know it! Chechu and I still have to finish preparing "You Raise Me Up," which I'm sure will come together during the next couple weeks.

Chechu and I still have a lot to do in terms of planning for the wedding-- decorations, flowers, gifts, handing out invitations... Enough to stress a person out :P



Last week I started teaching English conversation to a young law graduate, and we'll be meeting three times a week to study grammar and practice conversation. She's a really sweet girl with a lot of determination to learn. The pay is pretty good-- 8€/hr, and they pay me on a daily basis which is definitely a perk. Supposedly this coming Wednesday is a national holiday and no one will be working. Avelino hasn't said anything about it, and considering his volatile mood with the other girls who work here, I'm not exactly inclined to ask about it either. I suppose that between today and tomorrow something will be mentioned about it, if we'll have off or not...

This afternoon we'll be having lunch at Doña Aurelia's house to celebrate Chechu's aunt's birthday, which happens to be August 11 as well. I feel bad because I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion, and my hair is totally frizzy after having to speed walk here to the office after my class with Aida. Doesn't matter though :P

AAAAAAHHHHH!!

Talk about being out of touch with reality. I haven't weighed myself in God knows how long, and now, roughly two months before my wedding, I've been hit with the fact that I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I have.

This morning I had the urge to get out and go walking, and before I started my walk the thought occurred to me to weigh myself at the pharmacy next door to the house, since they have a big ol' scale there for everyone to use. Rather than announcing your weight to the world they print it for you on a slip of paper. According to that scale, I currently weigh 98.4kg, or 216.4lbs. O sea, TOO DAMN MUCH.
In all honesty though I can't say that I'm surprised that I haven't come down any more. I certainly haven't been as diligent as I should be about eating. And exercise? Not once since I've been here, except for this morning.

Nevertheless, I can't go into panic mode. There's roughly two and a half months left before the wedding, during which time I can certainly lose a significant amount of weight without going overboard. So without further ado here's what I plan to implement:

Eating: Fill up on fruits and vegetables throughout the day, light meats
Lay off the breads and carbs
Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day
No eating after 7pm

Exercise: At least 30 minutes a day during the week (walking, jogging)
1 hr. on weekends

Weight goal for next week: 96kg/ 211lbs

Remember you're on a diet, Nan?

The thought occurred to me this afternoon to get a scale from Carrefour. I spoke with Chechu about it just a little while ago on the phone, and he tried to convince me otherwise, saying that I'll stress myself out too much and get obsessed. On the one hand he's probably right, but quite honestly a little obsession at this stage in the game won't hurt me in the least. Not having a scale around when you're trying to lose weight is voluntarily staying out of touch with reality, and in my case, with a wedding gown in the balance, I have no room for error. I know that I've lost weight since I tried my dress on the last time, but exactly how much is very speculative. I refuse to put myself through the same public humiliation and torment of trying on MY wedding gown that won't zip up in the back, of course through no fault of its own.

So aside from journaling my daily life experiences, I'm also going to keep track of what I eat and how much exercise I do during the day. It's a proven fact that cataloging your food intake and exercise activities helps keep you on track. So without further ado, here's what I've eaten and how much I've moved today:

Breakfast
7 galletas Cuétara
1 juice box, fruit punch

Lunch
2 cups tortellini carbonara

Snack
2 pieces of chocolate
1 juice box

Dinner

Exercise
25 minute walk
20 minutes to bus stop & back
30 minute walk (bus station to church w/ weights)

Friday again...

It's been an emotional whirlwind of a week in a lot of ways, and needless to say I'm thankful that Friday is finally here. I'm not exactly sure how of how else to describe my state of mind at this very moment, other than exhausted. One thing for sure is that I'm definitely ready for it to be 8:30pm, and for the weekend to begin.

Yesterday I stayed here in the office until 10:00 catching up on work. A lot of land offers have come in this week while Avelino has been away, and I've been working to get them all translated into Spanish. At this point I have 12 left to finish and I hope to do that before the end of the day. At least when Avelino gets back he'll be able to see that I wasn't here twiddling my thumbs all day, unlike some people who shall remain nameless.

I also got another job this week teaching English to a young law student, Aida, who is living here in Aguadulce with her family for the summer. She and I have arranged to meet Monday and Friday mornings from 8-10 and then Thursday evenings from 9-10pm. This morning we had our first class, which went very well. I think she surprised herself that she could maintain a conversation in English for two hours, since she said she hadn't practiced in a while. I actually got paid today too-- 16€, since I charge 8€ an hour.
Chechu was concerned about me spreading myself too thin and not having enough time to rest, but I think that I'll do okay. Besides, these classes aren't scheduled indefinitely since Aida said that once September rolls around she'll probably head back to Madrid to start looking for work.

I'm starting to ramble so I think I'll sign off for now. I'm starting to get sleepy.. :P

Vaya Tela

What a weird day this is turning out to be. For one, I drank coffee this morning and probably shouldn't have because it's made me sick on the stomach. I don't know why I feel so awkward this morning. It's one of those days I guess where I just don't feel myself at all. I'm tired, cranky and just not in the mood to deal with anyone. I feel like screaming, crying and just curling up under my bed all at once.

Avelino has whisked himself off to Greece for the week and won't be back until next Tuesday at the earliest. That means at least another week until I see the remaining 100€ that I'm due, and by that time it'll be close to payday again. I wish that I could say that I love my job and that I feel like I'm utilizing my skills and making a difference, but today I feel like just another immigrant worker, crossing her fingers to hope that the great and powerful jefe will be good enough to live up to his word. It's crazy to be on the other side of the spectrum. Considering the incomes here in Spain, I certainly can't complain about 1200€ a month. But barring a drastic change I don't know that I see myself here that much longer. I feel unstable and insecure. I have half a mind not to even come in this afternoon, considering that the work I have I can easily do from home. After all, Avelino is most concerned with having results and not hours spent here in the office.

I spoke to Marissa yesterday, and she's extremely down and out about the fact that no job has come through. She's frustrated with everything and at everyone, including God and I can't say that I blame her because I'd be pissed too. It's hard to tell someone to remain strong in their faith when all they can see is a dwindling bank account, bills to pay and no calls from employers coming in. It's easy to get discouraged when you can't see beyond your circumstances and I'll admit that for that very reason I feel discouraged too. I feel anxious and stressed.

weekend wrap-up

It's just after 10:30am this Monday morning and I'm here at the office all by myself. Cristina is on vacation this week, and once she gets back, María will follow suit. Hopefully today I'll see the remaining 100€ that I'm owed whenever Avelino decides to stop by. Cristina was all but ready to walk out last week because she was really tired (and quite indignant about not having vacation time) of everything. In the end, after speaking with Avelino about everything, she finally got her much sought after vacation and on top of that she's decided to stick it out for a while, for which I'm glad.
I've heard through the grapevine that during the week of the Feria Avelino will close the office, which will be a nice perk for me. During that week Chechu and I will have to go back to the Comisaría to renew my visa, and I'm sure that by then we'll have more things finalized about where we're going to live, etc.

As usual this past weekend flew by, indicative of how this whole summer has been. It's hard to believe that this time next month, Mª Ángeles will be getting married, followed by Gema shortly thereafter. From now until the end of the year there will be big things going on every month. :)
Yesterday I stayed here in Almería instead of going to Granada. Chechu was there all day because of there was an ensayo that morning. I ended up going to the beach yesterday afternoon and had a great time. Before it was all said and done I had a splitting headache though, but other than that I had a great time.

This week, Chechu and I have to get our invitations sent out to Mom and Riss, and we also need to get our paperwork turned into the Junta de Andalucía for the apartment. We went to Carrefour on Saturday afternoon to look at a bed and other things for the house. I really had a lot of fun looking at things for the kitchen and other decorations. :) I'm so anxious to finally be married and for us to have our own space.

Finally Friday

I'm ready for this weekend to begin.

At the very least, I'm thankful that I'm not sitting here bored with nothing to do. Filling up these next three hours with work will be doable for sure, but I'm wishing that 8:30 would roll around fast. This weekend looks to be as much of a race against time as the previous ones have been, but at least I'll be away from the office for a couple days. I'm debating on whether or not to stay here in Almería on Sunday, since Chechu has to be in Granada early for a rehearsal and Charo may or may not go since she has work. We'll see...

One thing's for sure, this weekend Chechu and I have to get the rest of our invitations together to send them out to Riss and Mom next week. This has been hanging over our heads for so long and I'm tired of having it there.

Thursday already...

Hard to believe that it's almost Friday and that we've moved into the first part of August. This time last year I was getting ready to go back to Pittsburgh with Chechu-- needless to say this summer we'll be spending the month of August right here in Almería. I'm excited about seeing the Feria though- everyone constantly talks about how great it is. Chechu isn't a huge fan of large crowds, and neither am I quite frankly, but I'm sure that he'll make the effort to go with me at least a few times to check it out.

After much prayer and thought, we've both come to the realization that buying a house right now isn't the best option for us financially. Considering the housing market such as it is here in Spain, on top of the other expenses that we are going to have to put out for the wedding, etc., it makes no sense to go into a mortgage now. It's funny to me how people here almost consider the idea of renting an apartment to be sinful, since you're literally paying some one else to live in their space. Obviously since I come from a different culture, the idea of renting an apartment for a couple just starting out is as normal as can be.

We're thinking that the first part of September would be ideal to move into the apartment that we choose. Both of us like the idea of living here in Aguadulce, removed from Almería and pretty much everyone that we know. I am particularly drawn to this part of town- it looks like a tropical haven right next to the water.
This afternoon we had lunch with Rosa Mari, Sergio and Esther. Abraham owns the apartment where she and her family are currently living, and since they're leaving at the beginning of September, ideally Chechu and I could move in right afterwards. It really is an adorable apartment, and it reminds me a lot of the apartment Riss and I shared in Granada. A couple of the rooms could be painted a different color to better suit our taste and I'm sure that Abraham would have no problem with that. So we'll see. I'm definitely getting exicted about finding an apartment and moving in. The wedding is coming up sooo fast, and it'll be October in no time. Everyone keeps telling me that.

I can't believe this week has flown by so fast. Certainly not complaining though :)

Next week, aside from continuing to look at apartments, I have to get the wedding invitations mailed out to Riss and Mom so that they can get working on them. That will be a huge load off our shoulders. We also have to distribute them here in Almería, which will hopefully take place within the next couple of weeks.

Pay day

Yesterday I got my first "paycheck" in the form of two 500€ bills and 200€ more to come today, equaling 1200€ all together. So I'm pretty happy about that and, needless to say, more at ease about work.

This morning I went to have class at Espacio but Alberto apparently wasn't able to make it in due to an unforeseen errand he had to run. It was funny how I had a feeling that he wasn't going to be there before I got out of the car and sure enough, as soon as I walked in one of the consultants told me that he wasn't able to make it. I left them with my cell phone number just incase the same thing happens again for tomorrow.

I'm here at the office again, with not too much else to do except figure out who I'm going to call this afternoon and cross my fingers to hope and pray that more offers will come in. For as much as I called yesterday afternoon and asked for information on vacant land, I haven't received a single email. This afternoon I think I'll finish up with the Miami calls and then move on to Tampa, since they're going to be looking there as well.

I think Chechu and I are clear on the fact that buying a house now isn't the best option for us at this point, and that it will be wiser for us to rent. So we've started looking for apartments here in Aguadulce and on Saturday morning if there's time we'll take part of the morning to walk around and take down numbers. We'll have to have everything together by September-- I think Chechu wants to move in first to start getting things organized and that way we'll have everything together by the time October rolls around. Ideally we're looking for a furnished apartment.

I'm wearing my size 14 black pants this morning and they fit quite comfortably. So I'm excited to be seeing results. All I can do is continue to do my best. I've just been focusing on eating less and exercising- or at least walking more. Now that Cristina is going on vacation (and may leave all together) I'll be doing a lot more walking during the day, which will certainly do me a world of good. I'm confident that at this point, my dress should definitely zip up at the least. I really want to work hard this month and stay focused so that by the time September 1 rolls around and I try the dress on again, it will fit like it should. :D