Happy Thanksgiving 2007

For lunch today Chechu and I went to Foster's Hollywood, an American chain restaurant here in Spain, to have our own little Thanksgiving celebration. Both of us ordered barbecue ribs (no TG menu, unfortunately) and had brownies and cheesecake for dessert. Not exactly the turkey drumstick, stuffing, macaroni & cheese, yams, greens, potato salad and pumpkin pie that I was hoping for, but American cuisine nonetheless. In exchange for the mammoth-size plates we usually serve ourselves on Thanksgiving, the restaurant's portions were quite reasonable so we didn't overeat by any means, thus going against the deep-rooted American TG tradition of stuffing oneself unconscious.

I'll have to admit that I am a little envious of this point of Riss and Mom, who are comfortably enjoying the day and the forthcoming feast, even though Mom will be celebrating with Gram, Aunt Mim and Aunt Bertie while Riss is on the other side of the country with Josh's family and a whole sloo of MIIS alumni. Regardless of the fact that I'm now living in another country, it still sucks to have to get up on TG morning and carry on as if it were just another weekday. I think next year I'll make a note to plan a Thanksgiving meal with the family here, even if it has to be celebrated on Saturday. I realize that I live in Spain now, but that's one piece of American culture that I'm definitely going to keep for as long as we live here.

In other news, Chechu finally got his contract this week!! He went to the Department of Education this morning to sign his contract. At this point it has to be sent back to Madrid and from there they will submit to him all of the additional information that he'll need as far as when he officially starts, etc. I would imagine that by the start of December he'll be teaching. He also has a part-time job interview this afternoon to work three days a week as a graphic designer for a company in Almería. So, if that comes through, he'll have his hands quite full with work, which is exactly what he was praying for.

Both of us truly have a lot to be thankful for this year. With all of the expenses we've had, and everything else that is still to come, God has truly been faithful to provide for us.

Lord, help me change my attitude

Yesterday was yet another emotional roller coaster filled with ups and downs, and unfortunately it's spilled over into this morning. I really want to be upbeat and motivated about everything that I have going on- I don't want to feel stressed out or overwhelmed, or worst of all take our my anxieties on my husband who has only supported and backed me up since day one.

Surprise surprise, we blew off the diet last night too- big time. During my last hour of work I got carried away with looking up Thanksgiving meal and dessert recipies, making my hunger pangs go from mild to intolerable. It didn't take much for me to convince Chechu to go out for burgers, fries and ice cream either, which is exactly what we did. There's a mom-and-pop burger place in El Ejido where they make GIGANTIC hamburgers and serve huge portions of fries and other side choices, and both of us knew that was exactly what we wanted. In all honesty our escapade could have been worse-- we shared a hamburger and a plate of fries and stopped there even though Chechu was somewhat considering ordering another small hamburger.

After dinner we went to an ice cream shop next door to get an ice cream cone, and we were waited on by Kissy, a sweet girl from Mozambique. We ended up having a nice conversation with her and exchanged phone numbers. I called her this morning from the office and we agreed that next week when she has off we'll try to arrange to get together and have lunch at our house. It's rare to come across people that you feel you have an instant connection with, and I definitely think that the two of us could become fast friends. More importantly, I'm anxious to have the opportunity to find out if she's a Christian and speak to her about our church.

It's just about 5:30pm on what seems to be another endless afternoon shift. It actually looks like it's about to snow since the sky has turned a deep grey color, but realistically it's threatening rain more than anything. I actually miss the chill in the air and the snow flurries typical of November weather in Pittsburgh. After spending two balmy winters in California you would think that the temperate coastal climate would start to grow on me, but the holiday season really doesn't feel the same without the cold... I actually said that??

For the past couple weeks I've been on a down note with work and have been less than motivated to do anything. Avelino's disappearing acts haven't helped my lackluster work ethic either, considering that he's at least supposed to be giving me some guidance on what to continue looking for. It turns out that the real estate market in Miami isn't what Espacio had anticipated at the outset (shocker...) and they've had to change their plans. The budget that was initially set to be approved for around this time has been delayed until the first of the year. Consequently no purchases will be made until that time, and Avelino's elusive trip to Miami has been postponed until Lord-knows-when. I seriously get frustrated with this job at times, and then I get frustrated with myself for having those feelings, considering the huge blessing that it's been to me over these past several months.

...Apparently today or tomorrow Avelino is supposed to speak with Alberto about the changes that will be made and will have a better idea of when to plan to travel to Miami. We'll be meeting tomorrow to discuss everything, including the trip in December for the wedding. Hopefully since Chechu doesn't have to be in Almeria tomorrow afternoon he'll be able to be here in the office with me when Avelino gets in and that way he can speak to both of us about it, since Chechu, aside from being my husband, is practically a part of the office too.

I've been on top of the transcriptions lately, trying to work at least 3-4 hours a day. This month there is an incentive where if you work 45+ hours they'll add $2 more to your wages. So in my case instead of making $14 an hour I'd make $16. If I can continue to work 3-4 hours a day during the week, I'll pull in at least $1K for this month. That money will obviously go toward wedding expenses and savings, since I want to build up my US bank accounts as much as I can to pay off bills and have a good amount of savings built up before my school loan repayment starts next year.
In keeping with our budget, Chechu and I have done very well with watching our expenses and not going overboard in making unnecessary purchases, dining out more than necessary, etc. I think that out of the two of us he's the most money conscious, which is a virtue that both of us need at this particular moment.

The diet sucks. I know that I've put on a few pounds since the wedding. Nothing outrageous, but definitely five good ones. I get frustrated because I am completely unmotivated, regardless of the fact that the December wedding is coming up in a little over a month. The only exercise I get in during the day is walking back and forth to the house from work (if Chechu doesn't take me) and sex, hehehehe.. Strangely enough, between the pills and the cucuruchu diet I think I've been able to maintain my previous weight loss pretty well, for the most part.

Overdue entry from a married lady...

Sometimes I still can't believe that I'm married, and it's been nearly a month. On days like today I wish that Chechu and I would have had more time to ourselves to be in our own little world after the wedding and honeymoon, but alas, grown-up responsibilities call. Overall the transition from singlehood to married life hasn't hit me as hard as it apparently strikes some people, but it has definitely been a transition nonetheless. The idea of Chechu and me sharing a life and a bed together is completely new and exciting for both of us, and I pray that we always maintain that spark of intrigue and excitement in our marriage.

This morning Chechu had to be in Granada early for a rehearsal and he'll be there until service this evening. Charo and I will be going to Granada together after she gets back from work. Since we don't have the internet at the apartment, I decided to come to Charo's this morning to work a couple hours and prepare lunch before we leave. I've definitely missed her and I think of her often, wondering how she's handling the empty nest. I'm sure this is as much of a transition for her as it is for us, even though she won't let on about it.

Chechu's contract has finally come in, praise the Lord! He should receive it this week to sign and then send back. Most likely before the end of the month or the start of next he'll be teaching. While I have certainly appreciated having him around during the day to be able to run errands or keep me company at the office, I am anxious for him to get out there and start working. He has handled this whole ordeal with such grace and patience- he truly is an example for me to look up to in so many ways.

The diet has been marching on slowly. Chechu and I have fallen off the turbo jam wagon that we were tightly strappd to before the wedding. Now that December is fast approaching we really have to get back on track. My dress is actually with Mom, so I've started to fall into that "out of sight, out of mind" way of thinking and I must snap out of it. I'm not sure of how or where to gather the motivation from, but I know that if I start Chechu will follow. We really have to get this together. Not just for the wedding, but for life. I want to be attractive to Chchu always, and in order for that to happen, "Manolita" has got to go.

More housing woes

Yesterday was a national holiday so everyone had the day off. Chechu and I took out time during the morning hours to clean the apartment and get more things together. Ángeles dropped by with a friend of hers to help clean, which didn't really amount to much in comparison to all the hours that Chechu has put in over the past week to get everything together. On Thursday Chechu went with her to sign the rental contract, so now (as of Monday) the place is technically ours.

Between Chechu and me I'm not sure which one of us regrets renting from Ángeles more. Sure she's a sweet lady, a fine Christian y todo lo que tú quieras, but on the professional level she is completely irresponsible. Renting this apartment has been an uphill battle from day one, because getting her to do what she is required to do as a landlord has literally been like pulling teeth. We expressed to her that we wanted to rent this apartment at the end of August and even now-- a week before the wedding, we still don't have some of the basic necessities- like a kitchen. The washer, which was promised to arrive this morning, has now been put off until Tuesday afternoon. The refrigerator-- which Chechu and Josh had to go get and install this morning, is totally dirty, and surely it will be at least another week before the kitchen is installed.

For as much as this woman talks sweet and nice, it's clearly evident that she doesn't give a damn about either of us or the fact that we're getting married in a week's time and the apartment is still not complete. Both of us feel totally disheartened and deceived.

This morning was supposed to be productive. I have so many errands to run, both personal and for the wedding, and yet I'm sitting here at Charo's writing in this blog. It'll definitely be close to 1 by the time Chechu and Josh get back here, and by then all the stores will be just about ready to close until noon. Chechu has to be at church this evening to play and after that there will be no time to do anything.

I feel totally frustrated right now. God really has to move in this.

Two more to go 'till "onederland"

I ended up going to bed last night at close to 1:30am-- yet another non-stop day. Thankfully though, this morning I don't feel as tired as I thought I would. Today looks like another event-filled day without a break.

Mi amorcito isn't feeling too good today though, which is a real bummer--I have a feeling that I gave him the cold that I had last week :o(.. This would be a perfect day just to cuddle up at home in some comfortable pj's, a few good movies and some homemade chicken soup. I'm so excited about the two of us beginning to build our lives together-- 9 days and counting!

This morning I had a doctor's appointment to follow up on the birth control pills I've been on. Since everything has been going well with no complications, the doctor told me I could go ahead and continue with them. She also set me up for another blood test so to check on my cholesterol. She noted that I had lost weight since the last time that I had been in the office, and I'm sure that's had a positive effect on this cholesterol too. I also got on the scale this morning at the pharmacy- and I've come down a couple pounds!! I'm now at 202, which is quite exciting. I feel confident that between now and Monday I'll come down another few pounds at least. I would LOVE to be under 200 by the fitting, and I think I'll be able to get there. GLORIA A DIOS!!! :)

Errands

So here's a sneek peek at what our place is going to be like. I grabbed these shots from a website advertising an apartment identical to ours for rent, although our setup is on the right instead of the left. Our kitchen still has to be installed, and its arrival is in fact questionable for before the wedding. At the very least we should have the refrigerator set up by next week at some point. Chechu has put in a huge number of hours over the past couple of weeks to get the apartment cleaned and set up. We're praying that Ángeles will take all of that into account when it comes time to sign the rental contract, because technically all of the work to set up and clean the place is her responsbility. It's been a frustrating experience dealing with her at times, because unless you stay on her, she'll put things off until the last possible minute.

Today has been another long day, and it's still not over yet. This morning I was busy doing transcriptions and other tasks here at the office, as well as making phone calls for different things we'll need for the wedding. Right now we're in the process of finding a red carpet for the ceremony, since the hotel does not have one nor are they willing to supply it. :P I think we have a pretty good idea of where we're going to get the carpet from, which will only cost us around 70 euro as opposed to 140 to rent it. Aside from that we also have to pick up other accessories to finish packaging the favors that we'll give out at the reception. I guess that'll be this weekend's project, between finishing up the house and other stuff.

Today Chechu and I had lunch at the Centro Comercial in Roquetas, and afterwards we went to Eroski to look at kitchen appliances. We picked up the major stuff- microwave, coffee maker, mixer, sandwich maker, extra pillows for our bed and a shower curtain. We had just enough time to buy the stuff and drop it off at the apartment before I had to be back here at the office. I have about an hour or so left to be here before heading down to the church for bible study.

Y mañana más... I think we're going to try to make it to the Hong Kong Warehouse to buy the rest of the items we'll need for the house, since it's SOO incredibly cheap there. We're talking less-than-Walmart cheap, and that's a big deal. Ángeles has given us some things to help furnish the house, but a lot of it just doesn't go with our style. I definitely want this house to be a home for us, where we'll be comfortable and feel like the place is really ours. I'm enjoying the time we have to buy our own stuff for the apartment, but it kind of sucks that there's so much rushing around in the midst of it all.

Josh is coming in on Friday, to make it in time for our despedida de solteros, which should definitely be an unforgettable experience. Friday is a national holiday here anyway, so I'm sure that before the party we'll be working hard at the apartment, getting more things together.

True to form, I've had no time to work out today. Considering that the gavilla probably won't be over until at least 11, it'll be close to midnight before I get back to the house, and very safe to assume that I'll have 0 ganas to do anything but fall in the bed. I suppose that if I want the numbers on the scale to change between now and Monday, I'll have to go that extra mile though. We'll see what happens!

Overdue update

I can't believe that in less than a week and three days I'll be a married woman. Everyone has told me that during the last couple months up until the wedding, the days just fly by unbelievably fast. Over the past couple weeks I've gotten caught up with all the preparativos and getting things together for the house, work, etc. I've involved myself so much in everything that needs to be done before the wedding that I've forgotten to document it all. I know that once October is over I'll want to be able to look back to this blog to remember all of the major and minor details leading up to my big day. I can't wait for it to finally get here.

The dreaded fitting the other Friday actually went much better than anticipated. Granted, it couldn't be zipped up the whole way, but you could definitely see a huge difference between this time around and the first time that I tried the dress on- nada que ver. Paqui has been very encouraging and I feel bad for having such a negative attitude about her and the dress. After all, she has only offered to help, which has been a huge blessing. This coming Monday evening we've arranged to have our final fitting. She said that with the progress I've been making that I should be able to zip up the dress by then. But if a few inches need to be taken out then it can be done in less than an afternoon. So I feel a lot more at ease, knowing that if an inch or two needs to be taken out that it can easily be done. In the best case scenario the dress will fit by Monday, but if it doesn't the end of the world won't come either.

I must say that I'm pretty content with the fact that I currently stand at 204 pounds. It's been a long road travelled thus far, and there's still quite a ways to go, but I'm glad that I'm halfway there essentially. Between now and Monday I would like to lose between 4-5 pounds before the fitting. I'm not sure if that will be enough to fit me in the dress, but at 199 pounds, I should definitely be there or damn near close. I'm excited that I'm learning with this whole proces, and that losing weight hasn't just been a quick fix to solve a problem; rather, it's a lifestyle change towards healthy living- a byproduct of which is weight loss.

At times I get caught up in the fact that this is one of the biggest moments of my life, and nevertheless my closest family members haven't been able to be here with me to share all of the experiences- from trying on the dress, to buying accesories, to organizing the ceremony and reception, etc. In fact, I've allowed myself to get pretty down and out about that recently- more than I care to admit. But in spite of the validity of those feelings, I can see now that it's quite a thankless attitude to taken on. God has truly blessed me in this time, going above and beyond to show me that despite my manias that I'm all by myself and no one understands me, I'm surrounded by so many people who love and care for me like one of their own. Charo has been a mom to me in so many ways, including how a mother would be there for her daughter who's about to get married. Paqui is like aunt Mim- a seamstress to rival all others, and on top of that a heart of gold and a divine willingness to give. There are so many other examples as well of people who have stepped in to help, and really gone out of their way to make me feel welcome and loved. So when I think about all that I can't, in all good conscience, allow myself to fall into the negative, "oh-woe-is-me" mindset.

Josh is coming in this weekend and the rest of the fam arrives next Thursday. I'm excited that Josh will be able to spend some time with us, because this really is a golden opportunity to witness to him. He and Chechu will be staying together at our apartment until Leonard and Candace get in, and from there he'll be staying with Chechu at his gram's.

I'm so excited to see Riss and Mom too, and I'm definitely counting down the days until Christmas. I can hear the Christmas carols now!!

This whole week has been nonstop, and next week will be much of the same-- Chechu has been going back and forth to the house to fix things and get everything together to move in. We'll be ogg to Mallorca for our honeymoon and I am just thrilled that we'll actually be going somewhere! A full, blissful week away from everyone and everything!

Resolve

I've somehow managed to come to terms with the whole drama surrounding the dress. At some point between yesterday and today it finally sunk in that if it does in fact have to be altered, it's okay. The world will certainly not come to an end over this. All I know is that within the realm of normalcy I've certainly done my best to lose the most weight possible by eating healthier and exercising, and in doing so I've lost around 20 pounds since the start of the summer. So between that and God's miracle-working power I very well could get into the dress without needing any alterations. Regardless, I have to be thankful that Paqui has been there for me throughout this whole process, and has offered to help me if necessary.
I'm tired of the suspense though. I'm anxious for the nine-o'clock hour to roll around so that I can get this over with. At least by the end of the day I'll know where I stand concerning this issue.

This morning Avelino gave me the morning off to run errands with Chechu and Charo. We first went to pick up the wedding rings at the jeweler's and had them engraved. Afterwards Charo and I went to El Ejido to pick out my jewelry ensemble for the wedding. She bought me a gorgeous set of earrings and a necklace, worth over $500. I still can't believe she spent that much money on me, but nevertheless I am certainly grateful for her gift. The woman is truly a blessing.

Mañana más.. Tomorrow morning we're supposed to go to the apartment with Pepe TV to place the light fixtures and emergency lights in the apartment. Afterwards we're supposed to go and pick out our favors for the reception and then, if there's time, go to Carrefour to check out their deals on honeymoons. It's hard to believe that this coming Monday will be October 1st, marking just twenty days until the wedding.

Last night after coming back from church, Charo mentioned to me that she had spoken with Paqui, who had asked her about when we could schedule a fitting for the dress. Up until that moment I was starving after having last eaten a measley yogurt at around 6:30pm. But once the conversation topic turned to the dress, my heart wanted to drop into my stomach and, needless to say, whatever hunger I felt prior to that moment completely dissolved.

We ended up arranging the fateful fitting for this Friday evening, o sea, tomorrow.

After Chechu left for the night, it occurred to me to try the dress on again. And low and behold, to my complete horror, it still does not fit. Barring a genuine miracle from God between today and tomorrow, the dress is going to have to be altered and there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. I believe in the power of prayer and miracles, and that's pretty much all that I have to go on at this point. Otherwise I'll be left to stand in shame yet again, with my tail between my legs, having to ask Paqui to fix something that I wasn't woman enough to fix on my own.

I don't know that I've ever felt this low and discouraged.

Nevertheless, you would think that such a minute detail like this would be the least of my worries. For as unfortunate as it is, there are plenty of women who look like real-life princesses on their wedding day- a perfect size 6, a dress to rival all dresses ever made, stunning hair and make-up.. Yet their marriages aren't solid and lack the most crucial element of all-- true love. In my case, in exactly twenty-three days I'll be marrying my soul mate, my best friend, the man who God himself created just for me. He loves and cares for me beyond words- his actions show it every minute.

In spite of the hellish nightmare that has surrounded this dress, I have to put things in perspective. The world will not cease to exist because of an alteration that had to be made. Thankfully there is a solution to this whole issue, for as much as I hate the fact that it has to be brought in.

!"·$RFFFC$%&&/&?=/ I=?IGG?·%^*¨*·%%

Just a quick note of desperation to remind me of where I was when I look back on this moment in the future. Yet again, God has to come through.

Miracles

The wedding on Saturday was amazing. I had an incredible time! Gema and Yeshid both looked stunning and the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. We ended up staying at the reception until after 1am, and from there Chechu, Charo and I left to go back to the house.

MY FAMILY IS COMING TO THE WEDDING!!!!!!! Riss and I talked for over two hours last night. She got a $2G increase on her credit card and with that she'll get the tickets for her and Mom to come here. That way, both of them will be able to pay the purchase off in no time since they're working. Leonard, Candace, Layla and Dad are also planning to come-- according to Leonard, Dad will be making his reservations through him. I am literally beyond words about all of this. God has come through yet again. I can now truly say that I am ecstatic about the wedding!!! 26 days and counting!!

I'm down to 206lbs as of this morning. 7 pounds shy of my goal of 199, but whatever. The most important thing is that I'm still losing. Knowing that my family will be coming to the wedding has given me even more motivation to continue with this weight loss. Riss and I have both renewed our drive to lose. This week I intend to work out both in the mornings and in the evenings, and continue to watch my calories. I'm sure that in doing that I should be down to 200 by the weekend. Ultimately I want to be 195 by the time I try my dress on again with Paqui at the beginning of next month. I would think that the dress should fit now, but when I try it on again I want to be beyond certain that it will fit like it should. No maybes, no mishaps- only a clean, smooth zip-up.

En paz me acostaré...

... y así mismo dormiré, porque sólo tú me haces vivir confiado...

I'm proclaiming that Psalm over my own life, in spite of the restless spells that come and go from time to time. This has been yet another emotional roller coaster of a week. Between the cholesterol scare, starting the birth control pills, Chechu's contract and your everyday mood swings, I feel pretty worn out emotionally.

At least the diet is going halfway decent. This whole week I've really been on my toes about watching what I eat and making sure that I exercise frequently. Surely at this rate everything will be fine by the time the wedding comes around. I'm not sure if I'll even worry about putting myself through the stress of trying the dress on with Paqui at the beginning of the month because, quite frankly, I don't want her to touch it. This battle is going to be won without a single thread on that dress being cut or altered.

This afternoon, rather than working out during my break I was so tired that I ended up taking a nap. Tonight there'll be a rehearsal at the church here in Aguadulce, and considering the hour that we'll get back to the house (surely close to midnight) it'll be a slight struggle to get my exercise in this evening. If I don't do it, it won't mark the end of the world but it would of course be ideal for me to suck it up and exercise for forty-five minutes.

Riss sent me the Fatfree Vegan Kitchen website that she practically swore by during our last year at Monterey, and I'm anxious to get started working on the recipes in my own kitchen. It's finally sunk in this week how crucial it is for me to get this area of my life together. I want to lead a full and healthy life, enjoying my husband, family and friends without having to worry about taking all kinds of heart, cholesterol and God-knows-what other types of medications by the time I'm 60.

Today marks one month before the wedding, and I think the nerves are starting to set in for both Chechu and me. He still has to go with his mom to pick out his suit, and we're supposed to be going to get our wedding rings by the beginning of next month at the latest. The honeymoon trip is still up in the air in terms of where we'll be going, but most likely it'll be someplace local, which is honestly fine by me. Considering that we have to put out additional expenses for travelling to Pittsburgh in December, there's definitely a limit on what we can do for the honeymoon. Wherever we go, I know that we'll have a great time. I'm definitely looking forward to spending a carefree week with Chechu and disconnecting from everyone and everything here.

All in all I think that once we're settled in our own place a lot of these stresses will be eliminated.

So much for the calm

I feel so stressed out right now. This whole month has been nothing but stress for me, coming from all fronts. I just want to relax and not have to worry about anything.

JOB. This morning Avelino told Chechu and me that we have to be extremely cautious about my working here. At any moment an inspector could come by to inquire about the legal status of the employees working in this office, and should it be discovered that I am working without a legal permit Avelino could be jailed. That in itself obviously makes me extremely uncomfortable because I certainly don't want anything like that to happen. Aside from that I feel completely illegal, like I have no reason to be here.

I'm also really tired of dealing with the other girls that work in this office. Lazy doesn't begin to describe the two of them, and it's annoying to say the least to have to be surrounded by their constant complaining- if they're here in the office at all to complain of course.

Sigh. Nonetheless, I'm thankful for what I have. All I can pray for is that God takes complete control of everything.

September afternoon

Just taking a moment to sit back and enjoy the cool breeze that's coming into the office from outside. It's yet another gorgeous day here in Almeria, which is definitely an aspect of life in southern Spain that I'll never grow tired of. As we're nearing the end of the month, you can now feel a slight chill in the air, especially in the mornings and at night, signalling the close of summer and the start of autumn.

It's amazing to see all of the parallels that God has placed in this world to show us about our own lives. Seasons change, bringing to life new colors and nuances to shade our world. Each one flows into the next, gradually causing us to alter our mindsets and activities-- calling us to change.

Determined

Over the past couple of days the reality has set in that I really have to take charge of my health. I've reached such a low point and it's definitely scared me straight. All of these years I've blown off all the advice and other warning signs that have come my way, allowing myself to reach my highest weight ever last year, and continuing to eat all of the bad stuff that I possibly could. Instead of joining Marissa in her plan to eat healthier, I totally ignored all of the information that she tried to share with me, convinced that I wasn't going to give up meat and other animal-based food products because, plain and simply, I didn't feel like it.

Well, well, well.. Now that my cholesterol is up to 302, I've become a prime candidate for a whole slew of health emergencies and problems, including heart attack and stroke. Quite a sobering reality, let me tell you. It's terribly unfortunate that for as young as I am, I now have to worry about maintaining a restricted diet in order to lower my cholesterol.

While I'm thankful that this was caught in time, I can't help but be frustrated with myself for being so careless with my health. The worst thing of all is to know that I did this to me, no one else. Nevertheless, I am determined to right this wrong and move on to lead a healthy life. Not just for me, but for Chechu and our future family as well.

Of course, as a byproduct of eating healthy and exercising, this excess weight will come off as well.

Need to vent

I HATE losing weight. I am so nervous right now, so much so that I can hardly stand it. I've honestly been doing the best that I can to see results and get this weight off before October comes around, and I honestly have seen little to no progress since Monday when I got on the scale. I've gone from 209.66lbs to 209.44lbs since then-- certainly not making my dress fit any better.

I COULD SO KICK MYSELF FOR BUYING THIS $#@)(%TQ{$PT@_@#$@_$ DRESS TOO SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THHHHHHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I am so scared that my fitting is going to come around and Paqui is going to have to take the dress out. I am so scared about that because that't the last thing in the world that I want to happen. All it would point to is failure. Failure and stupidity of course on my part. This whole thing has been just looming over me all summer long, and I don't see it moving anywhere fast, regardless of what I do. I just wish there was some kind of a shot I could take to just remove all of this excess weight that I'm carrying around.

I feel so self-conscious about myself. I am such a huge pig. Everyone is buzzing about how I'm going to look on my wedding day, and I would never forgive myself if I just allowed the day to come and go looking the same way that I do. This is yet another miracle needed on my list. If God saw that the children of Israel's clothing accomodated them during the forty years they spent walking in the desert then I know that he is able to have this dress fit me like a princess on my wedding day. It can't be any other way, and I refuse to let someone else hack away at my dress for my own laziness and stupidity.

Let this entry serve as a reminder for the days and moments when I'm feeling too tired to work out or too willing to give into a temptation. It's not just about looks either-- my cholesterol is up to, no te lo pierdas, 302 POINTS. So much for the damn Mediterranean diet that's just so squeaky clean and healthy. Bullshit. No more meat for me, that's for sure. I can't believe that I've let my health reach such a low point.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, this shit is going to change, and FOR GOOD. I don't care how many times I have to say no to a plate of food, I don't care who gets offended. I'm 27 years old for goodness sake, and I need to take charge of my health. No one else is going to do it for me.

Diet woes

I was pretty excited earlier this week when I weighed myself at the pharmacy to learn that I'd come down seven pounds since the last time I got on the scale in August. This week I've been a lot more diligent about working out and watching my caloric intake, and I'm hoping that it will pay off in the end. I think that the most stressful aspect of this whole wedding has been my weight and whether or not my dress will fit me when I have to try it on again at the beginning of October.

After weighing myself on Monday, I set goals for myself between now and Gema's wedding and of course by October 1 when I have my fitting with Paqui. I set a pretty high goal for myself this week, to lose five pounds between now and the weekend, placing me at 204. That way, by Gema's wedding I can lose an additional five pounds, placing me at 199. The wedding is on the 22nd, and my fitting, ideally, would be the following week. For the fitting, I'd like to be at most 195 pounds. By then, FOR SURE, the dress will fit.

Between now and then, I really have no room for error. Losing weight is going to have to become my central focus. If it means losing sleep in order to make goal, then so be it.
Lately I've been doing well during the day, but my biggest battle is still at night when hunger sets in. If I have to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I almost always go to the kitchen. I'm really going to have to pray about that so I can stop it, because I feel like with that weakness I'm sabotaging all of my efforts.

I have to stay focused on this.

De milagro en milagro

I feel like I have such a long list of "miracles needed" from the Lord. I know that He'll make a way-- He has to. It's just that when you think about everything that is still hanging out there in limbo, it still makes you a little bit nervous, wondering how everything is going to turn out.

In addition to the financial woes that my mother has been under lately, specifically dealing with the trip to Spain in October, Chechu and I have also been under stress because his teaching contract has yet to arrive. Classes supposedly start next week, and he still has nothing to go on about when he'll begin. On top of all that, he's received at least four different job offers so far for web/graphic design, all of which are great opportunities. But for as wonderful as they may be, if it's not in God's plan then there's no point in pursuing them. I know that Chechu hasn't put in all of this time to study and prepare for this teaching degree just to go into something else. I know that God wants to use him in education, and that this forms part of his purpose. Rather than getting sidetracked, we have to stand strong and diligent in spite of the temptations that could arise. All we can do is continue to pray and believe. I know that God has the victory for both of us in this, and that it will be yet another testimony showing His faithfulness. As the saying goes, He may not come when you want Him, but He's always on time.

The house is another issue we're praying about as well. At this very moment Chechu is speaking with Ángeles about the apartment and the necessary paperwork that we'll have to submit to the Junta de Andalucía in order to take advantage of the current program that they're offering to promote home rentals among young adults. Apparently her husband has said that he was wary of giving paperwork to the junta regarding this apartment, but I know that God will move his heart. I know this apartment is for us and that we'll have it in Jesus' name.

Trying to see the big picture...

... instead of getting caught up in the minute details. Although it gets difficult from time to time.

It's been a trying day already, and it's only 11am. I'm here at the office, in the midst of a huge festival that's going on here in the neighborhood. There's marching bands, firecrackers going off, people everywhere and I can barely hear myself think. Even though it's Friday, I have a feeling that it's going to be a long day.

Yesterday I got bit by the wedding planner bug, and started to get really into organizing the different things that we'll need for our wedding- first here in Almeria and then in Pittsburgh in December. Even though I'm really excited about everything that is to come, there are days (like today) when I just wish that I could blink my eyes and have it be December 23rd. At the outset, I said that I wasn't going to allow myself to get nervous, but more and more I'm seeing that fly out the window.

I was going to go into all of the reasons why I feel stressed out right now, but that's not going to make me feel any better. I'll write more when I feel less anxious.

Update

Feeling less tired today as compared to yesterday, although I feel like I could use some more rest. Yesterday I felt completely overwhelmed- not just physically but mentally as well. I ended up going to bed early with a migrane, and thankfully this morning I woke up without any pain.

I suppose my anxiety started sinking in over the weekend after realizing that I wouldn't be able to use the gown that I had Marissa send me for M & C's wedding this Saturday. I thought the gown was a size 16 and it actually is a 14. With Chechu's help I was able to zip the gown up, but it is too small to wear for the wedding. In coming to that realization, it also dawned on me that I had less than a week to buy an outfit for the wedding. On Saturday morning after running other errands, Chechu and I went downtown to see if we could find any suitable outfits. Unfortunately we didn't come across anything.

That afternoon right before church I went with Charo to the Alcampo where the two of us ran around like crazy women trying to find an outfit for me in the twenty or so minutes that we had to spare. To make a long story short I ended up getting really stressed out seeing that we essentially had no time to look for anything. Miraculously I was able to find a really nice top, but I couldn't even enjoy buying it because I was constantly being rushed- a sensation that I absolutely loathe. Chechu and his mom (his mom especially) both tend to function like that, which I guess is just a part of their culture.

This afternoon Chechu and I went back to the mall to pick up the same shoes that I had been looking at since Saturday. Adorable shoes, but a size 10. Luckily since they have a strap I can adjust it so that the shoe doesn't fit me too loose. It was like the shoes have been mine all along, since I've been debating on buying them for several days and they were still there when I went this afternoon. So, long story short, my attire for the wedding is taken care of. Now the big thing of course, is that Chechu and I still have to practice for the song we're going to sing. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it, but I have to remember that I'm doing this for Mari Ángeles because she asked me to. I know that God will have everything under control, and that I have nothing to fear.

The house rental still has to be formalized. Chechu is planning to go to the Junta tomorrow morning with Angeles to fill out the required paperwork. In addition to all that, the house still has to be furnished- to say that it's bare is an understatement. All I can do is pray that between now and the end of September it will be in move-in condition. I'm anxious to have my own space and, I'll admit, to be a little further removed from Almeria.

My wedding dress STILL DOESN'T FIT. On impulse I tried it on Sunday afternoon after church, and to my horrible dismay it still doesn't zip up fully in the back. I'm really stressed out about it, and I could just kick myself for buying the dress in a size too small. I will NEVER, EVER put myself through this again. Nonetheless, I am fully confident that as of October 1 I will be able to wear it. Paqui and I agreed to do a fitting by then, and I am proclaiming victory in Jesus' Name!! I've become more diligent in watching my caloric intake and exercising daily. This has to pay off in the end.

Another week of emotions

I'm starting to get tired of the up and down emotional roller coaster that I've been on for the past week or so. It's ridiculous how one minute I'll be happy and carefree and then, literally, the next minute I'm a ball of nerves. I'm sure that it's all normal, considering that there's a wedding in the wings, but nonetheless I feel emotionally drained. There has been so much change in my life over such a short period of time and I'm still adjusting to it all. As thankful as I am for everything that God has given me on this new journey, it scares me sometimes to think that things really aren't going to be as they once were. There are moments where I feel like I'm alone here, even though I know that I'm not literally by myself. This is the first time that Chechu and I have actually been together for longer than three months and we're still getting to know each other's habits and personalities, a process that is sure to continue for some time.

I just read and email from Marissa where she spoke about God convicting her on her attitude about having a servant's heart. She said that she gave her testimony during yesterday's bible study and that she got embarrassed because she got emotional as she was speaking. Little does she know that what she shared with me has opened my eyes as well about my servant's heart, or lack thereof these days. I admit that I've held some resentment in my heart about being here in Almeria. I've felt like between me and Chechu I've been the one to sacrifice everything- leaving my home, my family, my language behind to come to another place and, with the exception of the language barrier, essentially start from scratch. Chechu on the other hand gets to enjoy living in his hometown, surrounded by his family, friends and church that he's grown up with his entire life.

My attitude has been wrong. Instead of having a servant's heart, I've expected servitude. I know that this all forms part of God's plan for my life, and that I'm here on purpose.

Back to work

It's been a productive Monday morning thus far. I've managed to channel my desire to still be on vacation into finalizing several things that were pending from last week. I'm still waiting on the most urgent information to arrive however, which I pray will appear in my inbox this afternoon when I return from lunch. Avelino is supposed to be back from vacation tomorrow morning, and I really want to be able to hand into him all the new information that he's been waiting for.

In spite of the Feria, last week was very productive as well. We got our marriage license papers together, I am now legally able to be here for another three months and Chechu and I also sat down to organize our budget for September and plan the other tasks that we'll have to have completed this month. For next week I have to schedule an appointment with the gynecologist to talk about birth control and get a check up. Not exactly looking forward to that, but it's definitely something that has to be done. I certainly don't have plans to become anybody's mama anytime soon. :P

I'm anxious to finally have my own space. Chechu and I went last Thursday to see two of Rocío's parents' apartments here in Aguaducle, both of which are a hop, skip and a jump from my office. We both fell in love with the first apartment-- the complex has a high level of security, ample parking and a pool! The apartment in itself is adorable-- well lit, a spacious living room, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms and a terraza. It's painted and everything and brand-spanking new. Rent would be 500€/month plus water and electic. Right now Rocío and her family are on vacation, but once they return this week we'll begin getting things together to start the move. I'm so ready to have my own space with Chechu. For as grateful as I am that his mom has taken me into her home, I'm ready to move out!

A week of errands

This week has been cut short due to the Feria in Almería and our work schedule here at the office has been reduced to three hours during the morning shift. So needless to say, this week has gone by incredibly fast....

Chechu and I finally have our papers in order for our marriage license-- they came in on Monday. I also got my visa squared away, and I'm waiting for the documentation to be prepared so that I can go back to the police station to pick up my passport.

This afternoon I have class with Aida from 5-7, and afterwards Chechu and I are going to meet up with Rocío and her mom to look at one of the apartments that they have for rent. I'm praying that we get the whole housing situation squared away before the start of September. That way we'll have a month or so to begin moving in and getting everything arranged.

Memories

I came across this picture this morning, and I had to post it. Of course it saddens me for obvious reasons, but at the same time, I'm thankful for everything that Marcus brought to his family, in love, loyalty and comradery. His little life truly was a gift.

This weekend has been nonstop. This morning I decided to stay home instead of going to the morning service at the hotel. Yesterday with all of the activities we had I had no time to do any of the pending work I had from this week, so this morning I'm using my time to get that finished up for tomorrow. Luckily I have less of it than what I originally anticipated.
This afternoon we'll be heading up to Granada for church, and then turning around to come back tonight. I'm looking forward to having next Sunday to relax and maybe go to the beach, since Chechu will be asking for that day off.

I'm looking forward to this coming week as well, because with the Feria and all, our office will only be open from 10-1 in the afternoon, leaving the whole rest of the day to relax, go to the beach or do whatever. So that will certainly be the mini vacation that I need.

Yesterday's breakthrough...

So Marissa has finally been offered a job. Praise the Lord! It should also be noted that she was contacted on Thursday-- the same day that I think both of us had come to our wits' end. Talk about God not coming when you want Him, but always being on time...

She'll be working as of September 10 at Gateway, which is a health insurance company located in Pittsburgh. For now she'll be working as a bilingual representative but she will also have opportunities to get into medical translation, which is really exciting too, since that's what she's been looking for. So this is God's provision for now, and the main thing is to stay open to receive everything that He has coming up in the future. Big things are definitely in store for Marissa.

This whole week has been really tiresome, and today has been no exception. This morning I went running around with Esther, which was a lot of fun. We literally spent the whole morning walking around, looking at the different lingerie shops to check out prices for undergarments. I'm at least comforted to know that buying a corsett won't cost me a fortune here, and that I won't have to send for it. I tried several on and they actually fit (or snapped up at least), so I'm hoping that that's a good sign for my wedding dress. I don't intend on trying that on anytime soon though. Marissa is supposed to be sending me my two evening gowns this week for Mª Ángeles and Gema's weddings, both of which are size 16, so I'll more than have a measurement guide to follow. Since I was running late this morning I didn't stop at the pharmacy to weigh myself. If I can't do it tomorrow I may just go ahead and wait until next weekend.

All in all I do feel a lot better about things in general. It seems like everything is falling into place piece by piece.

More lessons in faith

I'm so ready for this season to be over. I'm so tired of hearing the same negative results about Marissa's job search. Nothing has come through for her and this whole process has been going on for nearly three months. I don't understand the point behind all of this and why God is allowing all of this to happen, especially considering that the weddings are just around the corner. I can't help but feel frustrated myself because even though Marissa is directly living through this situation, it affects me too. I hate the fact that rather than being able to fully enjoy this summer she's been totally wrapped up in her job search and wondering when a break was finally going to come. This CAN'T continue. Surely God must know the toll that this is taking on everyone. If He truly knows how much we can bear, then a breakthrough has to come. TODAY. I for one have come to my wits' end with this whole thing.

TGI..T?

So apparently tomorrow is a national holiday and no one will be working. Nothing like a mini Friday during the middle of the week! Chechu and I will be going to Fátima's tomorrow around noon to talk about decorations for the wedding, etc since she's going to be taking care of that. Afterwards, if there's time, it will be nice to go to the beach and hang out for a while before the gavilla. Compared to last summer I've hardly been to the beach at all this time around, but I'm certainly not complaining. At last glance the beach didn't look like it was going anywhere. :P

This evening after work I think Chechu and I are going to Eroski to look at some more things for the apartment. After talking with Abraham last night I think we'll more than likely be taking over his place, which will be great.

Another hectic weekend

As usual, this weekend allowed for very little down time. While I'm starting to get used to the constant movement here, every now and then it does take its toll. I'm convinced that all Spaniards suffer from sleep deprivation, and I think I'm starting to notice the same effects in my body as well. Nonetheless, I'm sure that all of this ripping and running will become easier and easier over time.



On Saturday after the fateful weigh-in, I ended up staying at the house throughout the rest of the morning, cleaning, washing my hair and preparing lunch. I talked with Mom and Riss on the phone to wish Mom a happy birthday, and I tried to convince the two of them to get out and enjoy the day together. Hopefully it sunk in. All I can do is continue to pray for Marissa-- I know how disappointed she is that the transition from school to work hasn't been what she expected. But I know that her job is waiting for her, and that God, who is forever faithful, will provide. Although it's starting to sound like a cliché, this is time for her to grow in her faith and in her relationship with God. If she knows Him as well she claims to, then she should know beyond circumstance that He is faithful to complete every promise. She can't continue to let her circumstances determine whether or not she trusts God, because what kind of relationship is that after all? "I'll praise you, but only in the good times when everything is going well." My Bible says "I will bless the Lord at ALL times." And that is a decision that she will have to make, whether she feels like it or not. It's a decision that we all have to make. Yesterday's sermon touched on that in a lot of ways, and I intend to send it to Marissa so that she can hear it all first hand. Instead of laying in the bed or lying around the house bemoaning her "fate," she needs to be active, getting in the Word, getting out of the house and BELIEVING God for all that is to come.



Charo preached for the first time on Saturday evening. She spent the whole day in her room fasting and praying until it was time to go to the church. She did extremely well, and incidentally she spoke about God's faithfulness. Interestingly enough, as she was speaking I was reminded of a dream that I had a long time ago, before Chechu and I got together, where I was preparing to speak before a congregation and he was helping me to go over what I was going to say. I know that God is calling all of us to the forefront, and I'm excited about everything that is to come.



On Sunday in Granada, Mª Ángeles and Curro were giving out their wedding invitations. It's hard to believe that their wedding is coming up so soon-- September 8 will be here before they know it! Chechu and I still have to finish preparing "You Raise Me Up," which I'm sure will come together during the next couple weeks.

Chechu and I still have a lot to do in terms of planning for the wedding-- decorations, flowers, gifts, handing out invitations... Enough to stress a person out :P



Last week I started teaching English conversation to a young law graduate, and we'll be meeting three times a week to study grammar and practice conversation. She's a really sweet girl with a lot of determination to learn. The pay is pretty good-- 8€/hr, and they pay me on a daily basis which is definitely a perk. Supposedly this coming Wednesday is a national holiday and no one will be working. Avelino hasn't said anything about it, and considering his volatile mood with the other girls who work here, I'm not exactly inclined to ask about it either. I suppose that between today and tomorrow something will be mentioned about it, if we'll have off or not...

This afternoon we'll be having lunch at Doña Aurelia's house to celebrate Chechu's aunt's birthday, which happens to be August 11 as well. I feel bad because I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion, and my hair is totally frizzy after having to speed walk here to the office after my class with Aida. Doesn't matter though :P

AAAAAAHHHHH!!

Talk about being out of touch with reality. I haven't weighed myself in God knows how long, and now, roughly two months before my wedding, I've been hit with the fact that I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I have.

This morning I had the urge to get out and go walking, and before I started my walk the thought occurred to me to weigh myself at the pharmacy next door to the house, since they have a big ol' scale there for everyone to use. Rather than announcing your weight to the world they print it for you on a slip of paper. According to that scale, I currently weigh 98.4kg, or 216.4lbs. O sea, TOO DAMN MUCH.
In all honesty though I can't say that I'm surprised that I haven't come down any more. I certainly haven't been as diligent as I should be about eating. And exercise? Not once since I've been here, except for this morning.

Nevertheless, I can't go into panic mode. There's roughly two and a half months left before the wedding, during which time I can certainly lose a significant amount of weight without going overboard. So without further ado here's what I plan to implement:

Eating: Fill up on fruits and vegetables throughout the day, light meats
Lay off the breads and carbs
Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day
No eating after 7pm

Exercise: At least 30 minutes a day during the week (walking, jogging)
1 hr. on weekends

Weight goal for next week: 96kg/ 211lbs

Remember you're on a diet, Nan?

The thought occurred to me this afternoon to get a scale from Carrefour. I spoke with Chechu about it just a little while ago on the phone, and he tried to convince me otherwise, saying that I'll stress myself out too much and get obsessed. On the one hand he's probably right, but quite honestly a little obsession at this stage in the game won't hurt me in the least. Not having a scale around when you're trying to lose weight is voluntarily staying out of touch with reality, and in my case, with a wedding gown in the balance, I have no room for error. I know that I've lost weight since I tried my dress on the last time, but exactly how much is very speculative. I refuse to put myself through the same public humiliation and torment of trying on MY wedding gown that won't zip up in the back, of course through no fault of its own.

So aside from journaling my daily life experiences, I'm also going to keep track of what I eat and how much exercise I do during the day. It's a proven fact that cataloging your food intake and exercise activities helps keep you on track. So without further ado, here's what I've eaten and how much I've moved today:

Breakfast
7 galletas Cuétara
1 juice box, fruit punch

Lunch
2 cups tortellini carbonara

Snack
2 pieces of chocolate
1 juice box

Dinner

Exercise
25 minute walk
20 minutes to bus stop & back
30 minute walk (bus station to church w/ weights)

Friday again...

It's been an emotional whirlwind of a week in a lot of ways, and needless to say I'm thankful that Friday is finally here. I'm not exactly sure how of how else to describe my state of mind at this very moment, other than exhausted. One thing for sure is that I'm definitely ready for it to be 8:30pm, and for the weekend to begin.

Yesterday I stayed here in the office until 10:00 catching up on work. A lot of land offers have come in this week while Avelino has been away, and I've been working to get them all translated into Spanish. At this point I have 12 left to finish and I hope to do that before the end of the day. At least when Avelino gets back he'll be able to see that I wasn't here twiddling my thumbs all day, unlike some people who shall remain nameless.

I also got another job this week teaching English to a young law student, Aida, who is living here in Aguadulce with her family for the summer. She and I have arranged to meet Monday and Friday mornings from 8-10 and then Thursday evenings from 9-10pm. This morning we had our first class, which went very well. I think she surprised herself that she could maintain a conversation in English for two hours, since she said she hadn't practiced in a while. I actually got paid today too-- 16€, since I charge 8€ an hour.
Chechu was concerned about me spreading myself too thin and not having enough time to rest, but I think that I'll do okay. Besides, these classes aren't scheduled indefinitely since Aida said that once September rolls around she'll probably head back to Madrid to start looking for work.

I'm starting to ramble so I think I'll sign off for now. I'm starting to get sleepy.. :P

Vaya Tela

What a weird day this is turning out to be. For one, I drank coffee this morning and probably shouldn't have because it's made me sick on the stomach. I don't know why I feel so awkward this morning. It's one of those days I guess where I just don't feel myself at all. I'm tired, cranky and just not in the mood to deal with anyone. I feel like screaming, crying and just curling up under my bed all at once.

Avelino has whisked himself off to Greece for the week and won't be back until next Tuesday at the earliest. That means at least another week until I see the remaining 100€ that I'm due, and by that time it'll be close to payday again. I wish that I could say that I love my job and that I feel like I'm utilizing my skills and making a difference, but today I feel like just another immigrant worker, crossing her fingers to hope that the great and powerful jefe will be good enough to live up to his word. It's crazy to be on the other side of the spectrum. Considering the incomes here in Spain, I certainly can't complain about 1200€ a month. But barring a drastic change I don't know that I see myself here that much longer. I feel unstable and insecure. I have half a mind not to even come in this afternoon, considering that the work I have I can easily do from home. After all, Avelino is most concerned with having results and not hours spent here in the office.

I spoke to Marissa yesterday, and she's extremely down and out about the fact that no job has come through. She's frustrated with everything and at everyone, including God and I can't say that I blame her because I'd be pissed too. It's hard to tell someone to remain strong in their faith when all they can see is a dwindling bank account, bills to pay and no calls from employers coming in. It's easy to get discouraged when you can't see beyond your circumstances and I'll admit that for that very reason I feel discouraged too. I feel anxious and stressed.

weekend wrap-up

It's just after 10:30am this Monday morning and I'm here at the office all by myself. Cristina is on vacation this week, and once she gets back, María will follow suit. Hopefully today I'll see the remaining 100€ that I'm owed whenever Avelino decides to stop by. Cristina was all but ready to walk out last week because she was really tired (and quite indignant about not having vacation time) of everything. In the end, after speaking with Avelino about everything, she finally got her much sought after vacation and on top of that she's decided to stick it out for a while, for which I'm glad.
I've heard through the grapevine that during the week of the Feria Avelino will close the office, which will be a nice perk for me. During that week Chechu and I will have to go back to the Comisaría to renew my visa, and I'm sure that by then we'll have more things finalized about where we're going to live, etc.

As usual this past weekend flew by, indicative of how this whole summer has been. It's hard to believe that this time next month, Mª Ángeles will be getting married, followed by Gema shortly thereafter. From now until the end of the year there will be big things going on every month. :)
Yesterday I stayed here in Almería instead of going to Granada. Chechu was there all day because of there was an ensayo that morning. I ended up going to the beach yesterday afternoon and had a great time. Before it was all said and done I had a splitting headache though, but other than that I had a great time.

This week, Chechu and I have to get our invitations sent out to Mom and Riss, and we also need to get our paperwork turned into the Junta de Andalucía for the apartment. We went to Carrefour on Saturday afternoon to look at a bed and other things for the house. I really had a lot of fun looking at things for the kitchen and other decorations. :) I'm so anxious to finally be married and for us to have our own space.

Finally Friday

I'm ready for this weekend to begin.

At the very least, I'm thankful that I'm not sitting here bored with nothing to do. Filling up these next three hours with work will be doable for sure, but I'm wishing that 8:30 would roll around fast. This weekend looks to be as much of a race against time as the previous ones have been, but at least I'll be away from the office for a couple days. I'm debating on whether or not to stay here in Almería on Sunday, since Chechu has to be in Granada early for a rehearsal and Charo may or may not go since she has work. We'll see...

One thing's for sure, this weekend Chechu and I have to get the rest of our invitations together to send them out to Riss and Mom next week. This has been hanging over our heads for so long and I'm tired of having it there.

Thursday already...

Hard to believe that it's almost Friday and that we've moved into the first part of August. This time last year I was getting ready to go back to Pittsburgh with Chechu-- needless to say this summer we'll be spending the month of August right here in Almería. I'm excited about seeing the Feria though- everyone constantly talks about how great it is. Chechu isn't a huge fan of large crowds, and neither am I quite frankly, but I'm sure that he'll make the effort to go with me at least a few times to check it out.

After much prayer and thought, we've both come to the realization that buying a house right now isn't the best option for us financially. Considering the housing market such as it is here in Spain, on top of the other expenses that we are going to have to put out for the wedding, etc., it makes no sense to go into a mortgage now. It's funny to me how people here almost consider the idea of renting an apartment to be sinful, since you're literally paying some one else to live in their space. Obviously since I come from a different culture, the idea of renting an apartment for a couple just starting out is as normal as can be.

We're thinking that the first part of September would be ideal to move into the apartment that we choose. Both of us like the idea of living here in Aguadulce, removed from Almería and pretty much everyone that we know. I am particularly drawn to this part of town- it looks like a tropical haven right next to the water.
This afternoon we had lunch with Rosa Mari, Sergio and Esther. Abraham owns the apartment where she and her family are currently living, and since they're leaving at the beginning of September, ideally Chechu and I could move in right afterwards. It really is an adorable apartment, and it reminds me a lot of the apartment Riss and I shared in Granada. A couple of the rooms could be painted a different color to better suit our taste and I'm sure that Abraham would have no problem with that. So we'll see. I'm definitely getting exicted about finding an apartment and moving in. The wedding is coming up sooo fast, and it'll be October in no time. Everyone keeps telling me that.

I can't believe this week has flown by so fast. Certainly not complaining though :)

Next week, aside from continuing to look at apartments, I have to get the wedding invitations mailed out to Riss and Mom so that they can get working on them. That will be a huge load off our shoulders. We also have to distribute them here in Almería, which will hopefully take place within the next couple of weeks.

Pay day

Yesterday I got my first "paycheck" in the form of two 500€ bills and 200€ more to come today, equaling 1200€ all together. So I'm pretty happy about that and, needless to say, more at ease about work.

This morning I went to have class at Espacio but Alberto apparently wasn't able to make it in due to an unforeseen errand he had to run. It was funny how I had a feeling that he wasn't going to be there before I got out of the car and sure enough, as soon as I walked in one of the consultants told me that he wasn't able to make it. I left them with my cell phone number just incase the same thing happens again for tomorrow.

I'm here at the office again, with not too much else to do except figure out who I'm going to call this afternoon and cross my fingers to hope and pray that more offers will come in. For as much as I called yesterday afternoon and asked for information on vacant land, I haven't received a single email. This afternoon I think I'll finish up with the Miami calls and then move on to Tampa, since they're going to be looking there as well.

I think Chechu and I are clear on the fact that buying a house now isn't the best option for us at this point, and that it will be wiser for us to rent. So we've started looking for apartments here in Aguadulce and on Saturday morning if there's time we'll take part of the morning to walk around and take down numbers. We'll have to have everything together by September-- I think Chechu wants to move in first to start getting things organized and that way we'll have everything together by the time October rolls around. Ideally we're looking for a furnished apartment.

I'm wearing my size 14 black pants this morning and they fit quite comfortably. So I'm excited to be seeing results. All I can do is continue to do my best. I've just been focusing on eating less and exercising- or at least walking more. Now that Cristina is going on vacation (and may leave all together) I'll be doing a lot more walking during the day, which will certainly do me a world of good. I'm confident that at this point, my dress should definitely zip up at the least. I really want to work hard this month and stay focused so that by the time September 1 rolls around and I try the dress on again, it will fit like it should. :D

counting down the hours...

I feel somewhat better today than what I did yesterday afternoon when I wrote last, although there are several issues that continue to concern me.

Lately I've Riss and I have been in touch solely through email, and with each one she sends she sounds more discouraged and dispondent. While I can totally understand her frustration about not coming across the job of her dreams yet, I honestly don't know what to say to her anymore. I have no idea why things are taking so long to come through or what the purpose is behind her having to stay at home for a longer period of time than what she originally anticipated. I do know that regardless of how things look from our human vantage point, God has and will continue to have control over ever situation. Often times we choose whether or not we'll have peace in our hearts either by leaving our cares and worries in His hands or clenching them tightly in our own, thinking we can do better.

I just wish that someone would be able to get through to her. She only sees just beyond the tip of her nose instead of trying to grasp the whole picture.

Feeling weird today...

...and not exactly sure why either. It's been one of those days I guess. Maybe the sweltering heat is the culprit; then again, maybe it's just me.

So much for not being led by my feelings. It's like I'm being hit with another onslaught of emotions-- all different and all intense at the same time. I seriously could burst into tears right now, but I'm holding it in as hard and as tight as I can. Crying certainly won't solve anything.

I think I woke up today feeling out of sorts. To start with I always "strive" to get up early, to make time for doing little things around the house like taking care of my laundry or cleaning, or organizing the tornado-stirred mess of a room that Chechu and I are technically sharing. But, alas, my finger always manages to find the 5-more-minutes button on my alarm, causing "just five more minutes" to turn into another half hour and in the end I get up late along with the rest of the españoles, con la hora pegada al culo as they so eloquently say.
Needless to say this morning was no different. To make matters worse I've been struggling with a scratchy throat for the past couple of days which I can't seem to shake. I think all of the second-hand smoke that I've been forced to inhale at work is the culprit, and it's really starting to piss me off. On top of that I leave the office smelling like an ashtray every day, which is irritating enough as it is. Smoking is such a dirty, selfish and invasive habit. I swear smokers should be banished to another planet where they can happily burn out their own lungs without endangering on anyone else's.

Both of the girls that I work with are dying to go on vacation, and I can't say that I blame them. But the constant complaining does take its toll on a person. The two of them b & m together about everything pertaining to this job, particularly the fact that they haven't been given vacation time yet, but as soon as Avelino crosses the threshold you can hear a pin drop. Typical boss-employee stuff, I guess. I'm almost positive that once August comes around I'll be the only one here twiddling my thumbs, which is perfectly fine by me.

On Sunday when we were in Granada, Mª Ángeles asked Chechu and me to sing a song for her and Curro at their wedding. Chechu thought of "You Raise Me Up" as a good choice, and today I found the Spanish version, Por Ti Seré, on the internet. We tweaked the lyrics around a little since they were a bit worldly, and Chechu downloaded a couple instrumental tracs for us to practice with. This afternoon while I was at home we went through it a couple of times, and honest to goodness I felt so embarrassed singing with him because he's light years in talent ahead of me. After a couple run throughs, I was so close to throwing in the towel, but knowing that Mª Ángeles asked us both to sing together kept me from doing so. I think my voice is all right and I'm certainly not tone-deaf, but the fact that I have no power behind it makes it sound that much worse compared to Chechu's voice. So all I can do is pray and ask God to bless me and grant me the ability to pull this off.
I remember the prophetic word that Chechu and I got at Christmas last year, that we would sing together in ministry. I think of that and I see myself where I am now and I wonder how that could possibly come to pass. But I don't have to know, all I have to do is believe God and know that if He said it, then He'll do it.

I got a birthday card from Mom today, and I was glad to get it. I do miss home though, and I miss my family terribly.

lunes

Aquí estamos de nuevo. La verdad es que el fin de semana se ha pasado muy rápido, como siempre sucede cuando hay muchas cosas que hacer. Confieso que tengo pocas ganas de trabajar esta mañana, pero quiera o no, tengo responsabilidades que hay que cumplir. Como el pastor ha estado ministrando en estos días, nosotros no nos podemos mover en base a nuestros sentimientos porque de esa manera no conseguimos avanzar en nada. Más bien, tenemos que encargarnos de las responsabilidades que Dios nos da y llevarlas adelante, tengamos ganas o no.

El viernes después del trabajo me fui a la iglesia en Magistral Domínguez para el ensayo. Estuvimos ensayando las dos obras de teatro (Rey de Corazones y Bartimeo) que ibamos a presentar el sábado por la tarde durante los evangelismos. Aparte de ensayar también estuvimos rellenando los tratados y apuntando la hora y el lugar donde nos congregamos los domingos para los cultos, y así invitar a la gente a que viniera.
Terminamos sobre las 23:30, y después de eso Chechu y yo nos fuimos a casa. Ibamos a ver una película pero al final se nos hizo tarde, y como los dos estabamos cansados optamos por cenar e irnos temprano a la cama.

El sábado quedamos temprano por la mañana para ir a la playa. Después de desayunar fuimos un ratito a la de Aguadulce. Estaba llena de gente cuando llegamos, pero pudimos encontrar un rinconcito para sentarnos y tomar el sol. El agua estaba buenísima también. Aún tengo cierto miedo de bañarme en el mar, sobre todo por la amenaza de las medusas, pero creo que poco a poco voy adaptándome.
Después de comer había quedado con Alejandra para alisarle el pelo. Le salió muy bien, y se nota que estaba contenta con su nuevo look. La proxima vez incluso le quedará aun mejor, porque después de ir tanto tiempo sin alisarse, el pelo tiene que acostumbrarse de nuevo.

Todos los que ibamos a participar en los evangelismos nos encontramos en la iglesia a las 18:00 antes de irnos a la plaza donde ibamos a hacer el teatro. Así aprovechamos para orar y presentar todo lo que ibamos a hacer a Dios antes de empezar.
Hicimos la obra de teatro tres veces. Antes de hacer cada una fuimos todos a inivitar a las personas que se encontraban cerca de la plaza para que vinieran a verla. Yo salí la primera vez, haciendo el papel de "la religiosa." Creo que por lo general me fue bien, aunque al principio estaba nerviosa y me temblaban las piernas. Me daba vergüenza eso, pero aun así seguí adelante. La verdad es que estoy contenta con los pasos que Dios me está llevando a dar. Creo que en otro momento no hubiera sido capaz de integrarme así de lleno en las actividades y participar en los evangelismos. No por vergüenza sino por falta de confianza. Ahora veo que cada vez más me voy soltando y de esa manera voy rompiendo los límites que antes me impedían avanzar en ciertas áreas.

Terminamos sobre las 21:00, y después fuimos todos los jóvenes a comer charwarmas. La verdad es que pasamos un rato muy agradable juntos. Después Chechu y yo volvimos a casa para ver Shakespeare In Love, y me gustó bastante.

El domingo tuvimos el culto por la mañana, y después nos fuimos a Granada para el culto de allí.

En fin, esto en breve ha sido todo lo que he hecho este fin de semana.

TGIF

Last hour or so here at the office and I'm ready to get the weekend underway. As usual it's been quiet here all afternoon since everyone has been out running errands. I'll admit that aside from holding down the fort, I've done no more than keep an eye on the email inbox this afternoon, waiting to see if any more offers have come in since yesterday. Since nothing has, I've made myself busy doing transcriptions and sending emails here and there. Can't complain at all about that...
Earlier this week I had a breakthrough moment about this job and I think I'm really going to like working here. Before I kind of had one foot in the office and another out the door because I wasn't sure if this was where I was supposed to be or not. But on the contrary I think this will be a great opportunity to stick with, and since it's a real estate agency, who knows what kind of gifts & surprises God could have in store for Chechu and me. A house that's paid for? A car? Needless to say, I'm open to receive all that God has for me.

I'm irritated that I've kind of been slacking off in terms of the diet. I usually do fine up until dinner time when I'm starving. For as much as I make my mind up to eating fruit in the evenings if I have anything at all, the thought of sitting down to a peach or an apple is enfuriating when all I want is charwarmas and fries. I somehow have to renew my focus and remember that whether or not I get this together, time will continue marching on.

Calmed down

While this past week has been difficult for me, it seems like things are finally starting to calm down a bit. Towards the end of last week I felt really uneasy about a lot of things, mostly little things, that had begun to accumulate into a big, emotionally-charged ordeal. After much coaxing, on Saturday afternoon before church I finally went to speak with Luchi about some of the things that I had been going through, mainly the whole issue about the wedding and whether or not my mom could walk me down the aisle. Initially I didn't feel like our conversation helped that much, but in retrospect I can see a lot of wisdom in what she shared with me. Our experiences have been similar in many ways and I know that if anyone here can understand what it's like to come to a different place and essentially start from scratch, it's her.

One of the things she told me was that God is teaching me to lean on Him and to look only to Him to supply every need that I have. He's brought me to a brand new place where everything is a discovery, and because of that I need to be strong in Him and strong in my faith. Neither Chechu nor anyone else here can give me what God can, and as I continue to integrate myself into this new culture I need to hold fast to His hand.

I'm here at the office during the second half of my day. I'm still getting used to the idea of coming to work in the morning, having a huge 3-hour break for lunch and then coming back to the office for another 3.5 hours. The days here seem so much longer in comparison to the workweek in the States, and I know it's got to be mostly due to the difference in schedules. In spite of that, however, I haven't had a hard time adapting.
I sent Marissa an email today, telling here that I'm not yet in love with this job, but it's definitely comfortable. I suppose that I still feel uneasy about working in an area that I am completely unfamiliar with and that Avelino has pretty much left me to take care of starting this project. On the one hand I'm glad that he's given me the freedom to start investigating and gather information without him guiding me on every step. That shows me that he has confidence in my abilities. I suppose however that by the same token, I fear not meeting his standards. But I know that if God has meant for me to be here, then He will enable me to do this job and do it well.

I recently applied for another job that's based in the States. It's a full-time QA editor position with a Translation agency in Grand Rapids. They had opened the position up to candidates living outside of Michigan who wanted to work from home, and therefore I applied. This afternoon I received an email from them, saying that they had received my application and that they were interviewing local candidates first before opening their consideration to those who would work remotely. I think the job would be a blessing in many ways, and all I can do is pray that if it's for me, I'll have it. Ideally I would enjoy working at home in the mornings and then going to teach during a few hours in the afternoon. I don't know-- God is the one in control, and all I can do is cast a wide net. What's for me is what I'll have. :)

Tonight after work we're going to Mª José's house to watch The Color Purple. It seems like Monday nights have turned into movie nights for the jóvenes, which has been a lot of fun. It's approaching 6:30 already--just about two hours left in the day and then it'll be time to head home. At least the days go by somewhat quickly here!